Psychopath

We're having a busy day up here, doing a whole lotta nothin'. I shouldn't say nothing - we DID go grocery shopping this morning, and Tom spent the afternoon chopping and stacking most of the round wood logs that we have left over now that heating season is almost officially over.

But this afternoon while Tom and Colden were playing outside, I had the opportunity to relax in a nice, warm bath and read a little bit. And I happen to be reading this book, recommended by my sister:

It's a fascinating, mind-bending read - and I'm only on chapter four. As I'm reading this book, I can see where to "succeed" in the world of finance or the corporate world or even as a politician, the basic traits of a psychopath can come in very handy. According to the author's research, approximately 1% of the population has the brain malfunction that causes them to be psychopaths.

Kinda gives a whole new meaning to that whole 99% thing, eh?

I'd be reading it right now to find out more about our political and business leaders and their malfunctioning amygdalas, but Colden has the iPad and is furiously trying to reach the next level in "Feeding Frenzy". Ah, well. It's been a good day.

Scream

There seems to be something going around. Don't know if it's the energy in the atmosphere or what, but so far, I've read blogs from four of my friends where they have, out of the blue, just completely lost their shit. And then blogged about it. So I'll add my own losing-my-shit story here for you, as well.

I know I've mentioned it before that bedtimes are hard for me. When Colden just wants Mommy Mommy Mommy after I've been working all day and had to do our morning routine (by myself, natch), there are nights when I can feel my patience wearing thin. Last night and this morning are perfect examples.

Last night, Colden decided that he wanted to poop - on the potty! Woa! I grabbed the iPad (his potty pooping treat) and got him settled on the potty, hoping that since it was past his bedtime, he could do the deed rather quickly and then we could all get some rest.

That's not what he had in mind.

He sat on the potty for nearly an hour and didn't do anything. Oh, he was playing his fishy game on the iPad and laughing, but towards the end of the hour, I started to feel like I was ready to lose my mind. For real. I cried. I yelled. And he looked up at me, crying, and said, "Don't yell at me, Mommy!"

Oy. Beating myself up now. The kid actually ASKED to use the potty on his own, and here I am, turning it into a terrible experience. But do I win the Worst Mother in the World Award for that?

No.

This morning, we got up and got breakfast. It turned into an ordeal. First he wanted bran cereal and fruit. Then he refused that and begged and pleaded for an egg. So I made him an egg. Then he wanted some avocado and tomato to go with it. Chopped up those veggies and served them up.

He ate about two bites of egg and two bites of avocado and was done.

I tried to get him to change out of his pajamas and pee in the potty.

No doin'.

Meanwhile, the clock is ticking because I have a ginormous amount of work to do, errands to run, and an acupuncture appointment. I can feel my blood pressure going up as the minutes tick by. But still, he just wants to play with his little school bus and he's not interested in getting ready to go.

Finally, it's time to get out the door or I can officially give up getting anything done today. Colden does not want to put on his socks and his shoes. He sits on the chair, then on the floor, then he stands up, then he sits on his feet so I can't do it.

And that was when I cracked. I roared. "Put your shoes and socks on NOW!"

More crying. More guilt.

He was, naturally, a little hesitant to let me leave when I finally dropped him off at Oma's house. And I've been feeling like a terrible mom all day.

HOW could I have done that to my kid? He didn't ask to be born. He's just being a normal 4-year-old, and it's not his fault that his mother can't handle it.

I don't deserve this little boy. I don't deserve his hugs and his kisses and his laughter.

But then I remind myself, I'm only human. And humans need a break now and then. So starting tonight, Tom is taking over bedtime, regardless of how much Colden screams and cries about it. The truth is, he only cries for a few minutes, and then when he sees that Daddy Means Business, he's fine.

So, wish us luck. Because I'm hoping that once I can get some rest at bedtime, I'll be a much happier, better Mommy to my little boy.

Elvis or Elvish?

Just another testament to the versatility of the basic right-angle weave necklace base:

I started with the same base as the Desert Crystal necklace, but this time, I stitched bezels for three Swarovski stones directly into the right-angle weave. Then I added a heck of a lot of Lucite from The Hole Bead Shop, dangled a ginormous crystal pendant from the center of the necklace, and added a magnetic clasp.

I had envisioned more embellishment on this one, but since I'm still feeling totally crappy this afternoon, I think that will wait for another day. I still have loads of Chinese crystal, Swarovski crystal and Lucite that could be added to this necklace. I had also envisioned several strands of leaf fringe interwoven with the exposed right-angle weave neck strap. I'll have to see about that.

Next up, I want to give Laura Zeiner's Enchanted Evenings bracelet a try. She sent me the most wonderful carved skulls for this one, but I'm not sure I want a bracelet. I just stocked up on some rather unusual chains, and I'm thinking a necklace might work better for this...

Disaster

It's been a crazy two weeks around here. Lots of ups and downs, mostly ups, but lots of stuff going on. And my gallbladder knows it and has been acting up again, giving me pain and making my life generally difficult. It used to be my headaches that let me know when I was getting too stressed out - the last few years, it's been my digestive system.

So this week, we're buying roofing material for the garage and crossing our fingers that we will be driving a new (used) vehicle by the end of the week. I'm up to my neck in work (not really a bad thing, but crazy and stressful nonetheless) and we're trying to prepare for gardening and baby chicks in the coming weeks.

Last night was one of those nights where it was impossible to shut off my mind. I laid in bed for a good hour before I realized that I needed something to eat, so I got up and had a small snack, which of course set off my stomach. I went back to bed where my heart pounded in my chest and down my arms for a good two hours, and I finally drifted off to sleep around 2 a.m. Then, as usual, Colden got up at 6 a.m., so of course, I had to get up, too.

When things start to feel completely overwhelming like this, I fall back on one of my not-so-secret guilty pleasures: disaster movies. Today's lineup includes all my old favorites - 2012, The Day After Tomorrow, Dante's Peak and The Core. It's fun and oddly comforting to watch the world falling to pieces on t.v. Hokey plot lines, bad acting and cheesy dialogue all add to the ridiculous pleasure I get from these movies. As long as there are no zombies or contagious diseases involved, I'm good.

So I'm going to try to fill my tummy with something good (like black beans, sweet potatoes and avocado on a REAL corn tortilla) and get my newsletters finished, and maybe I can take a little nap before dinner once Tom gets home with Colden. Four hours of sleep is just not going to cut it today, no matter how many great disaster flicks I watch.

Refilling the Well

Most days, the words come easily and I can come up with great ideas for things to write about. That's what I'm supposed to do, after all.

But after a while, I start to feel "dried up". The ideas just aren't there. I start to censor myself, erasing every other sentence before I even hit "publish".

That's when I start to think it might be a good idea to take a break from rushing and writing. I don't force myself to write anything, and I spend time with the beads and my ideas for beading. I read books, I turn up the music and dance, I walk, and yes, I play computer games to give my brain some "down time".

This was the result of some of that "down time" for my brain. I worked up one of my favorite right-angle weave "v" neckpieces, then proceeded to bezel four Swarovski rivolis and a Swarovski stone. I connected them with two pieces of tubular herringbone, then attached the whole mess to the right-angle weave and added some of those cool Czech spikes that I got in Tucson.

I discovered that I had made the neckpiece way too long, so I got to rip out about 12 rows from each side. (Yay!) The result was a slimmer fit that works perfectly with the contours of my neck.

I still sort of feel like I need to add something to the rest of the neckpiece. I'm just not sure what.

There are other little projects that I'll do while I'm in the Idea Waiting Room this week. I just got some Crystal Clay (which will be good for at least two product reviews plus some fun new projects), some African brass beads and some Vintaj patinas. I've never used any of these things before, so it will be a good way to play and give me something else to think about.

On that note, I'm still trying to work out how I can squeeze in an hour or two of writing at night. I still feel like I work and write best at night, but just haven't figured out how to get back there.

What Have I Been Doing?

I have no idea. It's been a crazy month since I last posted on this blog, and every time I sat down to write something I thought was important, I censored myself. The result: no posts in almost a month. Ugh.

I have been a busy beader, which is a good thing. I'm working on a new series of right-angle weave and herringbone neckpieces, working on some gorgeous cabochons, and doing lots of bezeling with crystal stones. (I am sooooo not a sparkly-kinda-gal, but these just sort of found their way into my pieces!)

What else is new? We're full on into maple sugaring season, but yesterday it was 86 degrees, so I don't think we'll be able to leave the taps in for much longer. We were running around in shorts and sandals yesterday in the heat.

We're also shopping for a second vehicle now that we received our tax refund. Huzzah! We're not going to get the motorcycle fixed this year. If anyone wants a good but not-running 1979 Yamaha Special, email me and we'll talk. Otherwise, we're going to list it on Craigslist and see if someone wants a project.

Many, many things need to be done today. Orders need to be placed, newsletters need to be written, and beads need to be stitched. I'll probably go soak up some sun on the back porch before lunch.