My First Blog Giveaway!

So, I'm still finishing up my Bead Soup project(s), and I hope to have the first one finished by this evening! Ack! Nothing like a little excitement to totally mess up my week!

At any rate, I am going to start my first blog giveaway today. I will be giving away two sets of fused dichroic glass jewelry to two lucky people who leave a comment on my blog. The winners will be chosen using a random number generator from everyone who leaves a comment.











The jewelry sets that I am giving away include a 7 1/2" bracelet made with fused dichroic glass links and sterling silver wire and a pair of matching stud earrings. The pictures, unfortunately, aren't great, but the colors in the set above are full of greens, golds and a hint of turquoise. The set below has colors of silver and icy steel blue. When worn in the sunlight, you'll notice all kinds of sparkles!











You can also increase your chances of winning by posting about this giveaway on your blog and leaving a comment here with the link. You can also enter by Twittering (Tweeting?) about this giveaway and linking back to this post.

I'll use the random number generator to choose two winners from all the comments on Thursday, July 1 at 1:00 p.m. EST. Also, please make sure that you leave your email address so I can contact you for shipping information.

Good luck!

So, That Was a Surprise.

Tom's dad called up this morning and said that Sandy wanted me to bring Colden over because she brought something back from Reno for him. So, when Tom showed up home from work early because his back was going from bad to worse (and he shouldn't really have gone into work anyway today), we all piled into the car and went over to Oma and Opa's house.

So, imagine the look on my face when Kinsey, my 8 year old niece, walks out into the living room! THAT was what Oma brought back from Reno for Colden! We had all thought that she was going to come out with Kathy and Kady in July, but they decided to surprise us all and Kinsey came out two weeks early!

I don't know what I was thinking, but I was so excited to see Kinsey, and it was such a gorgeous day, that I decided we should bring Kinsey to the park with us. We had fun for about twenty minutes - it was just waaaaaay too hot to be running around at the park this afternoon, so we wound up back at Oma and Opa's house and we all got into our bathing suits, slathered on more sunscreen, and got into the pool.

It was a blast, until about four thirty when we came home, and I crashed big time. Colden fell asleep in the car in about five seconds, and he didn't even open his eyes when I picked him up and put him on his bed. I tried to get some beading done, I really did, but I suddenly felt so crappy and so nauseous and so overwhelmed that I had to lie down with Colden for a while. Tom's back hurt him so badly that he couldn't walk, so he had to stay in bed for most of the afternoon and evening, which meant that it was all me tonight. Which didn't really work, anyway, since I was so sick. I basically laid in bed with Colden and fed him his dinner without picking up my head.

So, long story short, I will be a day or so late on my bead soup pieces - I'll finish them tomorrow morning after we get back from the chiropractor and post them later tomorrow night.

I also talked to the prosecutor this morning who is handling my uncle's murder from 11 years ago. He seems like a great attorney, very with it, and he was very up-front with me, telling me not to expect a conviction, but that since the guy they arrested for the murder has claimed that he was never in my uncle's house, his defense attorney is going to have a heck of a job trying to explain why the guy's DNA was found in the house at the crime scene.

So, lots of things going on, way too much for me to think about in any given hour. I am going to finish up a quick tutorial now and see if I can't get some decent sleep tonight.

I've Made a Decision

After much thought about where I am in my life and how much things have changed since I first hit the farmers' market circuit in 2008, I've decided that this summer, I won't be selling fused glass jewelry at my markets and craft shows. Instead, I'm going to focus on my beadwoven and bead embroidered pieces.

The reason behind this is simple: I just don't have the time to put into the fused glass jewelry anymore, and I would rather be doing the embroidery or beadweaving. I did pretty well with the beadwoven and embroidered pieces last summer, so I'm just going to keep moving in that direction.













And because I have some fused glass left over, I have to decide what to do with it. I don't know if I'm going to sell it on Etsy - I'm terrible at taking pictures of glass, so what I'll probably do is have a series of giveaways here on my blog during the months of July, August and September, and I'll also give some of them away as free gifts to anyone who makes a purchase from me at the farmers markets and on Etsy.

So, among the other things I have to do today, I have to finish my bead soup pieces and get ready to post those first thing tomorrow morning; finish up a few tutorials for About.com; list the two embroidered cuff bracelets I finished this week in my Etsy shop; and make some time for a trip to the playground, because it is just soooooo beautiful out this morning! Ah, the life of a work-at-home mom!

Coming to Beadwork Magazine in December...

I kissed these pieces goodbye last week (or I think it might have been the week before, actually), sent them off to Beadwork Magazine's offices in Colorado for publication in the December/January 2010/2011 issue. I'm going to miss these two - I designed them both during the winter after I had Colden, when I was just starting to get back into my beading and designing.

Both of the designs were inspired by pieces of jewelry I found in the online catalogs of two auction houses - Sotheby's and Christie's.

The bracelet, made with Swarovski crystal pearls and bicones, I called, "Royal Right Angle Weave". I finished it with glittery, sparkling findings from Ezel Jewels - and I'm just NOT a sparkly kind of girl, usually! But I figure, just in case I ever get invited to have dinner with Queen Elizabeth in London or for the day that I get to walk down the red carpet at the Academy Awards, this is what I'll wear.

The other piece is a Victorian Chain necklace, based on a piece of Victorian mourning jewelry. I was obsessed with making little peyote stitched rings, and I figured out how to stitch them to each other so that they are linked up as you stitch! A little technical, but lots and lots and lots of fun to do.

I was actually feeling pretty good today, until I got a couple of very stressful phone calls and I started to get sick again. I managed to eat some dinner, but just didn't feel up to going over to see Tom's dad with Tom and Colden after dinner. With Colden, though, all you have to do is say, "Want to go see Opa?" and that's it - he's done. He's got his sandals in one hand, his hat in the other, and he's looking around for his big, green bouncy ball to take over there and toss into the pool!

So, for this evening, I think I'm just going to sit back and chill out and watch a couple of movies and maybe do a little more beading. I've decided not to push myself with the farmers' markets this summer, and I won't do my first one until the weekend of July 4th in Keene Valley. This will give me a little time to make a few more pieces of inventory, get some new fabric for new tablecloths, and try to get my displays a little better organized.

New Listings on Etsy and Bead Soup Swap Blog Hop Party!

Okay, that's a really long title.

Yesterday when Colden went down for his nap, I FINALLY got around to listing some of my new finished work on Etsy! Yay! Here are the items that I listed - if you click on the picture, you'll be taken directly to that item in my Etsy shop:















First, this was one of two handmade recycled glass and stoneware cabochons that I bought at Bead Fest Philadelphia last summer from Kristie Roeder of Artisan Clay. This one was totally my colors - I loved the warm browns with a little hint of yellow. I stitched a peyote bezel around it and then added a bail in the form of a peyote stitched tube. I threaded a few strands of imitation suede lacing and hand dyed silk ribbon through it, but those can easily be removed and replaced with a chain, silk or satin cord, or piece of leather.















This was the other recycled glass and stoneware cabochon that I bought from Kristie. It's in colors that are so outside my comfort zone, I just had to buy it to see what I could do with it! An artistic challenge to myself, if you will. I actually had to go and BUY beads that would match it, because believe it or not, I didn't have any cylinder beads in my stash that actually matched the colors in the cabochon. I couldn't believe it, and it took me weeks of trips to the bead store with that cabochon to find the right colors!















The next piece that I finally managed to finish this week was one that I actually started last summer while sitting at a farmers' market. It was a new market for me, and it was excruciatingly slow, sales-wise. So instead of stressing out about it and sitting there twiddling my thumbs, I broke out the beads and started working on this exquisite piece! The center stone is a piece of brown gold stone, and it is accented with lengths of vintage brass chain and more faceted brown gold stone beads.

In case you don't know what brown gold stone is, it is a man-made "stone" that is made with glass and copper shavings. The copper shavings are sprinkled into molten glass, and when the glass cools, the copper shavings take on the same sparkle as real gold. I could easily stare into the depths of this focal cabochon forever, which is why I named it, "Hypnotize Me".




















Have I mentioned that I'm addicted to those wonderful handmade stoneware cabochons by Lisa Peters Art? I think I might have said something about it before.

This cabochon necklace is called "Blue Moon", and it was made by stitching a peyote bezel around this gorgeous textured midnight-blue cabochon. The texture on it reminded me a little bit of steampunk/Beadpunk, so I decided to accent it with some wide-link gunmetal colored chain that I actually had purchased for use on another project! I made a peyote stitched toggle clasp for this one using the same cylinder beads that I used for the bezel.




















And continuing with the industrial/handmade theme, another gorgeous cab by Lisa Peters is the focal point of this piece, called "Progress Marches On". Again, I used some gunmetal colored chain as fringe and for the strap. I also found some gorgeous vintage German glass pyramid beads that I used to attach the strap to the cabochon.

The industrial look of the cabochon, and the fact that it is handmade and not mass produced, made me think about what "progress" really means, particularly in the light of the catastrophic BP oil spill in the Gulf. I started to think, "What is progress? Is it doing something just because we can? Or is there another layer to it, where we should be thinking about the long-term ramifications of an action on society and industry?" Just a few deep thoughts for ya there...




















And, last but not least, The Philosopher is finished, twisted fringe and all! This one had me inspired from the first time I looked at it while I was watching the series "Medieval Lives", written and hosted by former Monty Python alumnus Terry Jones. In Medieval times, doctors, philosophers, alchemists and scientists were all collectively referred to as "Philosophers", and the original title for J.K. Rowling's first book of the Harry Potter series was "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone". (It was changed to "Sorcerer's Stone" in the U.S., most likely because readers would be confused by the reference to a Philosopher.)

At any rate, the medieval philosopher worked to find what was called The Philosopher's Stone, a magical stone that had the ability to change base metals into gold. It would also create a magical substance called The Elixir of Life which they believed when drunk would render someone immortal.

I thought to myself as I looked at this cabochon, if ever there were a Philosopher's Stone, surely this is what it would look like. Awash in mystical symbols with tiny hints of gold and a beautiful, soft mother of pearl glaze, it made me believe in the power of magic.

So, that's what I've been doing with myself this week. In addition to cranking out these finished pieces, I've also been putting the finishing touches on a series of simple embroidered cuff bracelets with gemstone cabochons and working on my Bead Soup pieces! Lucky for me, I don't have to reveal my Bead Soup Swap pieces until Saturday, so I still have another week to finish them. Good thing, too, since I need to spend a good part of this week trying to finish enough inventory so I don't have an empty table at the Keene Farmers' Market next Sunday...

Continuing the Beaded Cabochon

Okay, back to stitching on this cabochon to make it into a necklace...















Because it is too difficult to edge the cabochon properly with just the peyote bezel, I add a round of some other type of large(r) accent bead. For this piece, I chose a strand of grey freshwater pearls, because I thought they picked up the subtle colors in the cabochon rather nicely. To stitch them around the cabochon, I use a method I learned from Jamie Cloud Eakin: you string the beads around the cabochon and then stitch in between each one to hold it in place. I find that it works to create a very smooth, even row of accent beads, and it works great when I use it for other kinds of bead embroidery.
















And this is what the back looks like after all the stitching is done. Can you even see all those tiny stitches from the bezel?















So, speaking of tiny stitches, the next step is to pick out a piece of Ultrasuede or Sensuede that matches the piece. I glue the cabochon down in the center, but I will leave the edges unglued so that it's easier to get the needle through the Stiff Stuff and the fabric. The edging is usually stitched using size 11 seed beads - I try not to use cylinder beads if I can help it, mainly because I just don't like the way that they look. The stitch I use for the edging is a variation on brick stitch, which is the first off-loom beadweaving stitch that I mastered all those years ago, and still remains one of my favorites.















And that is the back of the cabochon after the edging is complete! More tiny stitches.

A funny story about those tiny stitches: last summer, I did a big craft show down in Glens Falls through the Lower Adirondack Regional Arts Council, and I had a woman come up to my booth who started admiring the bead embroidered pendants and neckpieces I had on display. She turned one over to look at the back and asked me what kind of a machine I used to do the stitching. I wasn't sure I understood what she meant, so I told her that all my work was done by hand. She said, "Right, but what kind of machine do you use for the stitching on the back of the pieces?" Turns out she was a professional seamstress, and she was absolutely positive that I used some kind of sewing machine to get those stitches so tiny and even! I was totally flattered when she didn't believe me, and since I just happened to have a piece that I was working on at the show with me, I did a few stitches to show her my technique. She was absolutely amazed, and I felt pretty good about hearing those things from a professional seamstress.

So, next up, I will add the fringe and the strap, and I'll post the final pictures of the piece when I get it listed (for a very limited time) in my Etsy shop before it heads down to Houston, Texas for ApolloCon!

Staying Afloat...

Sort of. This pregnancy is whupping my butt, not the way it did when I was pregnant with Colden and I was so sick I couldn't move without dry heaving, but I'm just completely exhausted with this one, and by the end of the day, feeling pretty sea sick as well. It's been a struggle to keep up with things, but I know that in another month or so, I'll be back to my old self and then I can get on with it.

In the meantime, we had our first doctor ultrasound today, and everything looks perfect! The baby's heart rate was 136, which the tech and the midwife said is just what it should be, and the ultrasound tech said that my "little grain of rice" was measuring at around 8mm. All I could think was that 8mm is the size of the Czech fire polished beads I just got from Artbeads! So at least I have a reference for the size.

I'm still working on the embroidered cabochon necklace, so I'll finish that when I get more photos..

And on the subject of staying afloat, I've got one week to finish my Bead Soup Swap projects! I decided to go ahead and make two pieces from the materials I received from Ann, and here is a little teaser at what I've been working on for the first piece:














I've been watching Terry Jones' series, "Medieval Lives" a lot lately, and I'm fascinated by that time period. I've also been reading lots of books about English medieval history, books about Anne Boeyyn and Elizabeth I and the Tudors. So I thought I'd try to invite a little bit of that into this piece with the freshwater pearls and that absolutely yummy Venetian glass focal bead.

Tonight, Tom took a very cranky Colden over to Opa's to give me a break and so he could make some pickled eggs without me getting sick from the smell of cooked eggs and hot vinegar. (Just thinking about it is making me a little seasick!) Colden absolutely did not want to nap today - no matter what I tried, he wasn't having any of it. So by the time they left, he was just having a little kid meltdown because he was exhausted. I thought the poor kid was going to fall asleep on my shoulder while I was making my broth and noodles.

So with Tom and Colden gone for the evening, I'm in my pajamas, watching Jim Carey movies and slowly eating my dinner. I may either continue beading on that project, or I might just design a few new charted patterns or I might just go to sleep... The sleep sounds most attractive right now!

Making a Cabochon Into a Piece of Jewelry, Part 1

So, here are the photos I said I'd take and post.

Once I decide which cab I'm going to work with, I glue it down onto the Stiff Stuff. Then, after I've picked out the color of Delica with which to make the peyote stitch bezel, it's a matter of doing beaded backstitch around the entire cab. In this case, that took quite a while:















Ya see all those teeny, tiny little beads? Yeah, I stitch them on two at a time. I find that it works better than stitching them in threes or fours when I'm doing a peyote bezel, because after you complete the first row and pass your needle through the very first bead you picked up, all the beads are in the perfect position for the peyote stitch - the beads can move exactly the way they should, and that makes the bezel tight and neat.

After the first row has been stitched down, I can start working the rest of the bezel. Sometimes, like in the case with this cabochon, when that first row seems to take forever, I keep reminding myself that it's actually the first two rows that I'm laying down.















The last row of the bezel is usually done with size 15 beads, and in this case, I chose a gold-plated bead to bring out some of the little gold accents on the cab. This is one of my favorites in the last batch that I bought from Lisa earlier this year, and as I was working on it, the perfect name came to mind: The Philosopher. (Admittedly, I was watching Terry Jones' "Medieval Lives" series at the time, and just happened to be watching the episode of the same name.) But it fits, doesn't it?

All in all, it took me almost three hours to get this far in the process. Lucky for me, Colden had a good, long nap that day!

Hello, my name is Jennifer...

And I'm addicted to Lisa Peters Art cabochons.

They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery, right?

This is what it looks like during the first stage of my creation using a ceramic or stoneware art cabochon. I usually glue them down to the Stiff Stuff in one big batch, so as to avoid opening and closing the glue a billion times. Then I spread them out with my collection of Delica cylinder beads to try and find the right color for the bezel. Sometimes the colors jump out at me right away.

The larger cabochons in the picture will be turned into pendants with attached necklaces. The smaller cabs (which in this photo are mostly square shaped) will probably be used for bracelets.

I've started working on one of the large hex-shaped cabochons and I've been photo-documenting it the whole way so that I can share the process on the blog here. As I was stitching it yesterday, I came up with a name for the final piece, and a fantastic description for when I list it on Etsy....

Newly Listed on Etsy: City Life Cuff Bracelet

This is another cuff bracelet I made using one of Lisa Peters' gorgeous stoneware cabochons. I am absolutely in love with Lisa's work - her colors, textures, shapes and glazes just enthrall me and they really set off my creative spark!















You can see the listing in my Etsy shop by clicking on the picture!

I've decided to make a photo journal of how I create these pieces. Each one is created one at a time, is a one of a kind piece of art jewelry, and takes between several hours and several days to create. For now, though, here's how I make each of these bracelets:

The basic process I use to create these bracelets is the same as for all of my bead embroidered jewelry. It starts with a cabochon and a piece of Lacy's Stiff Stuff. I glue the cabochon to a small piece of Stiff Stuff and then stitch a peyote stitch bezel using Delica beads and size 15 seed beads to tighten it up. The glue is basically a temporary hold - the beaded bezel is the thing that will keep that cabochon in place over the life of the piece.

After the bezel is finished, I add one or more rows of accent beads around the cabochon. These can be anything from a size 8 or a size 6 seed bead to vintage glass beads or maybe some glass Druks. I look for beads that will accentuate the cabochon and will also create a smooth line around the cabochon and it's bezel.

Once the accent beads are attached, I end the thread and carefully snip the excess Stiff Stuff away from around the cabochon. Then I pick through my stash of Ultrasuede and Sensuede fabrics and find a color that I like to match or contrast with the cabochon. I glue the cabochon to a small piece of fabric, trim the excess away, and then start the edging around the cabochon with size 11 seed beads.

This whole process of attaching the cab, stitching the bezel, and backing and edging the cabochon can take anywhere from two to six hours, depending on how much embellishment I add to the cabochon.

The next step is to measure and cut matching pieces of fabric for the bracelet form. I usually cut the fabric about 1/4" larger than the cuff form to give myself a little bit of wiggle room when I edge the cuff, and also to prevent my thread from running against the metal cuff form. If the thread rubs against the bracelet form with every edging stitch, it can weaken the thread and the overall integrity of the bracelet.

The top piece of fabric is usually cut a little bit longer than the back piece - this is to accommodate the beaded cabochon, which I attach to the fabric by stitching it. I usually make two or three rounds of stitches down through the Stiff Stuff, the backing and then the fabric for the cuff to make sure that the cabochon will be held securely in place.

Gluing the fabric to the cuff is a little tricky - it is necessary to keep the fabric from sliding around too much while I'm edging it, but if I don't get it centered just right before the glue dries, then there's a chance that my edges won't line up and the whole thing will be a mess. Practice makes perfect!

After the glue has dried, I use a variation of brick stitch to edge the entire cuff. It's the same stitch that I use to edge the cabochon, and I usually use the same color seed beads for a more uniform color scheme.

I have two types of cuff bracelet forms that I like to use. The first type of form that I ever used was a lightweight aluminum cuff form that I got from Dick Blick Art Supplies years ago. They have since stopped carrying them, so if I want to continue using them, my husband and I are going to have to start making them ourselves!

The other type that I started using in the last two years or so are the wonderful brass embroidery blanks from Diane Hyde of Designer's Findings. Diane has an incredible line of brass embroidery blanks that include cuff bracelets, neckpieces and pendant shapes that can be used for both pendants and necklace and bracelet links. They are inexpensive, sturdy and give the bead embroidered work a substantial feel. I'm totally addicted to them!

So, I hope I haven't lost you with all the writing here! I'll do this again, but with pictures sometime later this month.

Triple Treat

Last week was incredibly productive for me. I don't know what I did right, but I got a ton of beading done!















I call this trio my "Triple Treat" - three designs, all using the same basic pattern. The green necklace I finished a couple of weeks ago, inspired by that awesome pendant by Lisa Peters Art. I decided to make a version of the necklace without a focal pendant that works great as just a nice, flat neckpiece with lots and lots of sparkle.

And then I decided to make a more cost-effective version using Czech fire-polished beads. The bracelet came out a little longer than I wanted it to be, so I'm still tweaking the sizes of beads to get it to come out the right length, but it stitched up super-quick in just over an hour.

So now I can move on to my next set of projects! I've got an incredible design all sketched out for a netted Renaissance Collar using tiny 3mm Swarovski bicones and top-drilled round pearls - it wouldn't look out of place on a queen. And then I had this strange idea for a wagon-wheel pendant with glass flowers and bamboo tubes. Sounds strange, but I think it might work up to be pretty cool in a Mae West kinda way.

This coming week is going to be nuts. I've got to finish uploading all the videos I shot for About.com and send off all the scripts, and try to get all these patterns I've been designing uploaded. I should have done more today, but I just couldn't get my act together, and the exhaustion today is just totally overwhelming. I haven't been able to get to Starbucks, my "office", since I found out I was pregnant last week, but I think I'm going to set aside two nights this week to get over there.

Vintage Inspired

I found this among the pieces of my mother's jewelry that were given to me last fall after we scattered her ashes in Texas.















I don't know anything about it, like where she may have gotten it, or when it was made, but I'm guessing from the materials and the design that it may have been made sometime in the 1940s or 1950s.

The peachy-colored baubles stuck in my head for weeks, while I tried to figure out a way to re-create them. Then when I saw the new Swarovski crystal pearls in that gorgeous coral color, I knew I wanted to use them to try to recreate the piece. A piece of copper chain and a funky square-shaped copper toggle from Artbeads was all I needed to complete the piece:















Trying to make these beaded beads was definitely a challenge for me. I used tubular right angle weave, which is one of my least favorite stitches, and went through many, many variations of the pattern. The first time I actually had one beaded bead stitched up perfectly, I realized that I hadn't taken any notes on what I did, so I had to tear the thing apart to see where my thread path went so I could re-create it! Note to self: always take notes.

It's really a cool little piece. I love the way the beaded beads jingle against the chain when I wear it. This is one that I think I will be submitting to a magazine or using as a class, if I can ever get my teaching schedule organized.

The last two days, I'm really starting to feel like I'm pregnant, although I have yet to be hit with the nausea that I had when I was pregnant with Colden. There are still times when I feel like I'm totally in denial about the pregnancy thing because I actually feel pretty good most days, if not a little emotional. The thing that's been the hardest so far is the exhaustion - and having to haul myself out of bed once, twice or three times a night to take care of Colden. Yesterday afternoon, I walked down the hill to the garage to pick up the car after we had it inspected, and today, I feel like I can barely move.

But if this is how I'm going to feel for this pregnancy, I'll take it over the constant nausea any day!

Nap Time

It's days like this that I relish nap time, when Colden lays down and has his milk and I read him a story, then he snuggles up with his blanket and his favorite stuffed animal of the day, and I get a little bit of a breather. In the winter, it means curling up on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate and Moose; in the summer, it means curling up in my own bed or on the back porch with my laptop or my beads. Sometimes, it means crashing in bed for a much-needed nap after a long night of constant awakenings.

I'm going to start needing nap time even more, since last week, I found out that I am pregnant with our second child! Tom and I had talked about having another baby, and how nice it would be for Colden to have a sibling. But for a while, we thought it probably wasn't going to happen. What a nice surprise last weekend!

Of course, we've timed it all wrong again - my due date this time (until I'm told otherwise by the dating ultrasound in two weeks) is January 28. Another winter baby! Another terrified Tom, worried about having to get up to Plattsburgh in the snow and ice in case there's a storm.

And because I'm over 35, at my first appointment with the midwife last week, she absolutely put the fear of God into me over things like Down's Syndrome and Trisomy 18, and we get to go to Burlington to have a special ultrasound called an Ultrascreen to detect any abnormalities. But I've decided that I'm not going to worry about anything until someone tells me to worry - when Colden was still in utero, one of the ultrasounds detected a small cyst on the part of his brain that makes the spinal fluid. By the time of the re-check, however, the cyst had completely resolved itself and disappeared, and he's been a happy, healthy baby (and now a happy, healthy little boy!) ever since.

And since Colden has been asleep for forty five minutes now, I need to get busy and get some writing done so I can make a decent dinner tonight and then maybe try to get to bed at a decent hour!

My Bead Soup Swap Package Arrived!

My swap partner is Ann Rishell, a bead artist and architect from Arizona. She sent me an absolutely incredible package of seed beads, pearls, Swarovski crystals, silver components and an incredible Venetian glass bead and clasp!















I completely forgot to take a picture of the beads I sent to Ann, but you can see them if you take a look at her blog, My Critical Eye.

This is all part of the Bead Soup Blog Party, created by jewelry artist Lori Anderson. So now I have until June 19th to get going and create something with all these lovelies! And wouldn't ya know it, Ann just happened to pick some of my favorite colors for me to work with. This is going to be so much fun!

Reset Button

So, I'm not going into the details here, but last night, someone shot me down with something really negative, right in my face. It made me cry for most of the night, and it's left me feeling close to tears all morning. I think usually it wouldn't have bothered me so much, because I can usually let stuff like that go, but this was kind of a last straw type of deal. It just reminded me too much of the nonsense and hostility that went on when I had my shop a few years ago, and I think that's why it hurt me so badly.

We also found out last night that our friends have to have their wonderful, sweet, 14-year-old Labrador put down today. We've grown very fond of her these last few years, and it's not going to be easy to say good-bye.

It's not going to be an easy day.

Instead of continuing to push myself with the last few videos, I'm taking a day off today, taking Colden to Target to get some diapers and Play Doh, and then if it's not raining, we're going to go to the playground later today.

I'm just done with the bad stuff today, and I need to get it out.

I'm going into Lake Placid to write tonight, but before I do, I'm going to take a nice walk around Mirror Lake. I haven't done that in a long time, and I think it might be a good way to clear my head.

The one thing that made me laugh this morning was sitting on Colden's bed with him while we ate breakfast. We were watching Baby Wordsworth (one of the Baby Einstein DVDs that he love so much), and Colden was doing all the signs and saying all the words, some of which I had never heard him say before this morning! And I love hearing him say "avocado", or at least, trying to say "avocado". And whenever I take the milk jug out of the refrigerator, he points to the cow on the label and lets out a big, "Moooooooo!"

Whatever else I might do, whatever mistakes I make in life, I will always strive to be a good mother to my son.

Love and Hate

I spent the morning finishing up the latest incarnation of the Swarovski crystal overload necklace that I worked on over the weekend, only to find that I was short four Simplicity crystals in the right color. Okay, so it's an excuse to order some more beads from Artbeads or wherever I could find the crystals, right?

The I spent the rest of the morning working on a variation of said Swarovski crystal overload necklace that was actually a bracelet with Czech fire polished beads and rondelles. At first, I thought I loved it. Then, as the day wore on, I hated it. Now, I'm somewhere in the middle with it, but my brain is too tired to figure it out. So I'm gonna let it sit alongside the other two pieces until I've had a few decent hours of sleep.

We had another rough night with Colden last night. I finally got to lie down for bed around 10:30, and sure enough, just as I was falling asleep, Colden was awake and in our room. Instead of going back to sleep like he did the previous night, he tossed and turned and kicked and grabbed my hair and yanked. It did not make for anything like a restful evening.

Then after we got back from the grocery store this afternoon, I let him sit in front of the chicken run and throw grass in to the big laying hens that were running around in the sun. When I looked up, I saw what I thought was the fully-feathered wing of one of the big white laying hens sitting in a hole in the ground. When I looked closer, I saw feet, and then realized that it was actually the dead chicken body of the little Polish Crested that we got with our last batch of baby chicks. The bigger chickens had been pecking at her the last couple of weeks, and I guess today when she got brave enough to jump down from the brooding area, they chased her outside and finished her off. Very sad, but very gross: because the only way in and out of the chicken run (for now) is through the chicken door in the coop, I had to cut a hole in the run with the wire cutters and wait for Tom's dad to come over with a rake so I could lift the body out of the run. Ew. Poor thing... It didn't look as if the any of the other babies had been pecked at by the older hens, so we're going to wait and see what happens. If any of the other babies start to look beat up, those older hens are going in the freezer.

And I haven't been to the gym in nearly two weeks. I'm starting to feel a bit soft around the middle again. I have to get back on that...

Lights, Camera, Action!

So, this is Week 2 of shooting videos for the About.com website, and I have to admit, I'm having fun. It has been so cool coming up with the ideas for the videos, and writing the scripts and then actually using the video camera! I think the only thing that I am NOT going to enjoy (from my test runs the first day I had the camera) are the shots where I am on-screen. I'm not terribly photogenic, even on a good day, and when I watched the videos on the computer, I was shocked to see how often I blinked. I think I'll have to stick my eyelids open with double sided tape while I say my on-screen lines.















These are some of the samples from the first four videos that I have shot and finished: basic bead embroidered backstitch, St. Petersburg Chain, Cellini spiral, and African Helix. I had numerous requests for cubic right angle weave, which I would love to show in a video, but alas, these videos can only be three and a half minutes long at best, so I don't think I can do a tutorial for cubic right angle weave in under four minutes.

When I was reviewing some of the video I shot last week today, I realized that in the background, you can hear the (rather loud) trickle of water from the fish tank in the dining room! Yikes! I contacted the video editor to see what I should do about that, but before she got back to me, I decided I would just re-shoot the video clips where you could hear it so that I wouldn't have any problems when they start editing the clips for me. I re-shot the video with the filters turned off. Then I had to re-shoot some of those clips with the front door and the windows closed so that you couldn't hear the cars speeding up and down the road in front of the house. I need a padded cell, I think...

I've also been watching beading video tutorials online wherever I can find them. They're all like 5 to 10 minutes long, or longer! I hope I can squeeze all the important information into three minutes. And of course, I'll have written tutorials for these things on the site, too.

Meanwhile, the opening day of the Keene Valley farmers' market is drawing closer, and I have a million things to get - business cards, packaging, a new tablecloth, and I think I'm going to need an extra table, since I'm currently using one of my tables as my "desk" for shooting photos. I think it's going to be a less intensive market season for me this year. I'm not sure how good sales will be, considering the state of the economy here in the U.S. and around the world. I think I'm going to focus more on listing items in my Etsy shop, and when I do the farmers' markets and craft shows, I'll just have my higher-end bead embroidered and bead woven pieces and kits for sale. Maybe a few pieces of glass jewelry, but I've got an entire box of glass jewelry inventory sitting around with pieces that I've had for the last year, and it's not doing anything for me just sitting there and collecting dust. Maybe tomorrow afternoon I'll take a bunch of photos while Colden takes his nap...

It Don't Mean a Thing...

If it ain't got the bling!

I know, it's corny, but that's what I decided to call this piece, for now.















It started with this gorgeous focal pendant from Lisa Peters Art. I had no idea what to do with it, I only knew that I wanted to keep it for myself. Or so I thought.

I sat down with the big bag of leftover 4mm Swarovski bicones that I bought about a million years ago with the intention of using them in beading kits and started to make a strap out of right angle weave. I didn't like the way the strap looked with the pendant - it was too angular compared to the soft lines of the pendant. Then I accidentally picked up two sets of beads and stitched them together - wa-haa! It made something like a circle! And then I added a 4.5mm Swarovski "Simplicity" bead in the middle - and it looked even more like a circle!

I wanted to jump around and say, "Who's your daddy?" but I held back. After all, Colden was asleep.

I actually thought about naming the piece "Who's Your Daddy?" but figured it wouldn't work very well in magazines or on websites. Not with my target market, anyway.

But then this morning, I figured out how to add the pendant and stitched on the clasp, and it came out better than I thought. But now I have problems.

1. Should I keep the original piece or sell it?
2. Should I offer the design/pattern to Beadwork/Bead and Button magazine first or just publish it on About.com?
3. And now I want to make a plain version without a focal pendant, and I have just barely enough Simplicities in the right color and size.

I have really never thought of myself as a crystal-kinda-person. Truth be told, most days, I don't wear much jewelry because I find that it has been getting in the way of doing the dishes, taking care of the chickens, and it gives Colden one more thing to yank on when I pick him up. (He hasn't torn an earlobe yet, but I'm just waiting for it to happen.)

I am going to embark on the plain version later today, I think. The first version stitched up much, much faster than I thought it would, so I think the plain version will be quick, too.

And on that note, I think my glass fusing students are here, so off to the kiln for a little while!

Well. Farmers' Market Season is Here Again.

And I think that this year, I am going to have to seriously cut back on the number of markets and craft shows that I do. With the work I'm doing for About.com and trying to make new pieces and design projects for the magazines and the website, I don't think I'll be able to haul my show around upstate New York (and beyond) three times a week. So in the coming days and weeks, I'll be shooting new photographs of my work and probably opening a de-stash shop on Etsy to see if I can't move some of this old inventory so that I can make new inventory and concentrate on my high end line of beaded and bead embroidered jewelry.

I don't have a lot of time to blog today, since I have to go blog for About.com (I want to get all the rest of my posts done for the rest of the week!) and I have to keep plugging away on the videos I'm shooting. Shooting videos is hard. I'm starting to remember some stuff from my t.v. production and film making classes back in high school, but just when I think I have the line in my head, I stumble over a word.

I've set up my dining room for video production for the next few days. Here is what it looks like.
















I really hope the weather gets nice soon so that we can at least eat on the back porch. The dining room table is underneath all that stuff!

Birthday Blogging

So, today I'm 36. I feel like I'm on the wrong side of 30! But, like Dad always says, "It beats the alternative." On a more thoughtful note, to quote a song by singer/songwriter Ann Reed, "This looking back is a gift of age."

Yesterday afternoon at the post office, there was a huge, big ol' box waiting for me from Beki and the nice people at Whimbeads. I went a little nuts when she posted their new colors of size 11 seed beads and the new size 8 Toho hybrids.














Aren't these colors gorgeous?! C'mon, you know they are... I have a fondness for the metallic seed beads. I use them when I'm making beaded chains and cabochon pendants because I love the way they look.















I've also got a thing for the new Toho hybrids. The colors are just fantastic, and they work so well with so many things!















I've got plans for these babies. That gorgeous emerald Swarovski bicone and the bright permanent finish gold metallic seed beads are going to become a re-creation of a piece of estate jewelry I found in an online auction catalog.















I was really psyched when Beki told me that they actually had the 4mm Swarovski crystal pearls that I had been looking for everywhere! I got some of these for a project from another source, and of course, underestimated the amount that I needed. I kept trying to get them, but they were out of stock EVERYWHERE.




















And while this is just on loan to me, this cool little pocket video camera is what I am going to start filming with today! A couple of weeks ago, one of the senior video editors at the About.com site contacted me and asked me if I would be interested in borrowing a little pocket camera for a few weeks to shoot some video tutorials for the site. I've got fifteen videos scripted. I probably won't get the chance to shoot all of them, but when I looked up this little gadget online, I found that I can get a new one for about $150, so that might be in my future.

No shortage of things to do today, so I have to get off the computer, get some breakfast for me and the kiddo, and get moving!

Mother's Day

Well, I can honestly say that this has been a less than perfect Mother's Day for me, except for the part where I got to eat chocolate while I was writing video scripts this afternoon. That was good.

But this whole weekend, I was sick as a dog with whatever upper respiratory crud knocked Tom out last weekend. (Colden had it earlier in the week, but he didn't have it nearly as bad as Tom and I did!) On Friday night, I was so miserable that I just could not sleep. I woke up when Colden woke up around 2:30, and that was it. I laid there and coughed and tried to blow my nose, but nothing was making me any better. And I felt like I had a fever, too. So, finally, around 4 a.m., I gave in, took my laptop into the living room with the tissues, some juice and a blanket and my pillow and crashed on the couch until Tom had to get up at 5:30 to go fishing.

Thankfully, Colden ate some breakfast the next morning with Tom and Claude, and then crawled back into bed so I could get a little sleep.

Today, the crud seems better, except for the occasional burst of snot in my nose.

Anyway, Tom did give me my Mother's Day/birthday present today, which is the complete Monty Python series on dvd, including the three movies: The Holy Grail, Life of Brian, and the Meaning of Life. I have been a Monty Python freak for years, ever since an ex-boyfriend of mine introduced me to the show. It was the most bizarre, intelligent thing I had ever seen, and I can tell you some of the most inane bits of Python trivia, if you care to ask.

But anyway. This is my second Mother's Day without my mom, and I want to write something about her here.

Mom passed away in July of 2008, just before Colden turned six months old. I spent ten days in Texas with her right before she passed away, and it's a great comfort to me that she at least got to meet Colden, to hold his chubby little hand and foot, watch him kick his legs while he nursed, and laugh at him in the baby sunglasses I bought for him at Target one evening. Even though Mom had been sick for years, I still felt totally unprepared for the moment when I got the call from my sister at 4 in the morning to tell me that Mom was gone.














This is a picture that was taken at my sister's wedding in 1996. My Mom and Dad are the first two on the left. My mom is holding the red crocheted beaded bag that her Aunt Lou made back in the 1930s. Mom sent that bag to me in 2005, and it's one of my most prized family heirlooms. (See? Beads run in my family!)

My mom was an incredibly talented artist. She could draw, which is something I still can't do, and she made her living by designing and editing knit and crochet designs and patterns for various yarn companies and craft magazines while we were growing up. If there's one thing that I truly and honestly can thank my mother for, it was her example of how to earn a living doing something that you love.

The other thing for which I will always be grateful to Mom is that she always supported my sister and I in whatever creative endeavors we had. As a kid, I can remember watercolor painting classes, baton twirling lessons (which I absolutely loved), violin lessons, hours spent with her teaching me how to knit and crochet, and of course, making jewelry. She and Dad always encouraged me to do what I loved, including singing in our church choir, taking piano lessons, and auditioning for all the high school musicals and plays that I wanted to. They never told us "no" when it came to something that fed our creative spirits.

Lately, I've really been missing Mom a lot. I wish she could see what a handsome little man Colden is now. And I wish she could see what I'm doing on the About.com site. I think she'd be a little bit proud of me for that.

So, to all you Moms out there, put your feet up - it's not too late for a glass of wine and a chick flick, or even a cuddle with your family.

And to my Mom: I miss you and love you, wherever you are.

Just in the nick of time!

While perusing my friends' status updates on Facebook, I noticed this update from Kristie Roeder of Artisan Clay about a really cool Bead Soup Party going on, and today is the last day to sign up! So, naturally, because I don't have enough beading things to keep me busy, I signed up.



I wish I'd known about this before now, but I'm glad I got in just in the nick of time!

Time (Mis)Management

Anyone who has kids and works from home (or even anyone who just has kids) will confirm what I am about to say: there should be 40 hours in a day.

My days lately go like this:
Colden wakes up around 6:30 or 7:00 in the morning. (Sometimes after a night of not sleeping, as I have discussed earlier.) I sit up in bed with him for a few minutes and check my email while he has his morning cup of milk, and then I jump in the shower while he watches Baby Einstein. I get us both changed and dressed, then I make breakfast. We eat breakfast and I clean up the dishes and get things out of reach of the dog so that he doesn't finish cleaning the dishes for me while I'm otherwise occupied. (Ha!)

By this time, it's usually about 8:30 or 9:00. So I start answering emails and writing blog posts and checking message boards on About.com to see what's going on. Colden is usually good for an hour or two playing by himself, but then he wants to hang out with me, and watching me bead or work on the computer is just not fun for him.

I give Colden his snack around 11:00 along with a glass of juice or another glass of milk, and then we let Moose outside, go say hi to the chickens, and run around the yard for a bit.

We come back inside around 11:45 and I make lunch. If I'm lucky, we have leftovers that can just be heated up quickly. If I'm not lucky, I try to make the quickest, healthiest meal that Colden will eat, which very often is macaroni and cheese.

After lunch, I clean up the dishes again, and if the dishwasher is full, Colden will start it for me. (He's such a good little helper.) Then we read a story and have a little glass of milk, and Colden will take a nap. Sometimes he won't nap right after lunch, though, or if it's a Thursday, we go to Lake Placid for tumbling class.

And of course, there are Friday morning play groups, and trips to the vet to get Moose's blood work monitored, and all the other things that go along with life. (Like diaper changes, phone calls, illnesses, etc.)

Once or sometimes twice a week, I will have a singing group rehearsal in the late afternoon/early evening, and so I trek up to Plattsburgh. If I have a gig and a rehearsal in the same week, then there are two nights that I go to Plattsburgh.

All of this can add up to an incredibly stressful week (or month) where I feel as though I am constantly trying to get caught up, and my to-do list just keeps getting longer and longer. Sometimes I wonder if I am really just bad at time management, but then I realize, I somehow manage to get an incredible amount of work done while taking care of Colden at the same time. I know other women who have tried to work at home with their toddlers, and they have all given up in favor of going back to work at a "normal" job, although their jobs will cover the cost of child care.

So, because I love my job at About.com and I love designing new beading projects and teaching, I am giving up the singing group at the beginning of May so I can focus on the work that is bringing in money and so that I can have a little more time to spend with Tom and Colden.

Oh, and I forgot to mention - somehow, in between everything else, I am now trying to make it to the fitness center two or three times a week to get some serious exercise. I'm tired of being the fattest mommy at play group!

Beading Therapy

So, after my little breakdown the other day, I picked up this pattern by Carol Dean Sharpe and started stitching. It was incredibly therapeutic. Made me feel like I was accomplishing something, even if nothing else was working!

I decided to use these transparent gold lustered Delicas for the main color. I've had them in my stash for years, and they were absolutely perfect paired with the dusty rose lined and cream opaque beads. It worked up much faster than I thought it would - now all I need to do is figure out what kind of a clasp I want on it. I might get some of those cool basket-weave ends from Designer's Findings and use a magnet clasp. Or I might make my own toggle.

Ohhhh, so I went to bed last night feeling sort of like I was running a fever. Achy, warm, and just not at all well. Colden woke up around midnight and then again around 5, but he spent part of the night with his little toddler foot right in the middle of my back. When I woke up this morning, I was still feeling warm and achy and queasy to boot. Tom's mom, who turns 70 today!, offered to take Colden for the day, so I have spent most of this day in bed, nursing cold drinks and taking Motrin to keep the fever down.

So, while I spent the day in bed with Moose, I designed three or four new patterns that I'll publish on About.com later tonight or tomorrow, and two of them I plan on making up and writing complete directions on how to make the projects.

And maybe tomorrow I'll tackle that perpetual pile of clothing next to the bed that Colden so enjoys climbing. He reminds me of a little miniature mountaineer when he does that. Can't be good.

Having a beading breakdown.

Nothing that I have been trying to do today has come out right. I spent most of the day working on a tutorial for African Helix, but when I slid the beadwork off the stick, even though it was beaded in the right direction and looked perfect on the stick, the panels popped, not the piping! So frustrating. That's the third time I've tried it in two days, and I am at the end of my rope. (No pun intended.)

So I thought I'd take a break and work on the bead embroidered bracelet tutorial that I've been writing for the last week. I went into Stealth Mommy Mode, snuck into Colden's room while he was taking his nap, and carefully removed a bag of smallish cabochons from the cabinet without waking him up. I pulled out the E6000 and a toothpick, and....glued the cabs on the wrong side of the Stiff Stuff.

So at that point, I was ready to throw myself out the dining room window and down into the newly landscaped herb garden where Tom was working. Instead, I decided to work on a peyote stitched cuff bracelet designed by Carol Dean Sharpe called "Dissections". I got it as part of a trade we did back at the beginning of March, and it and the beads have been sitting on my work pad for a month now. I figured, I can't go wrong with good old two-drop peyote, can I?

I'm pleased to report that I've completed the first 1 1/2" of the cuff and that I love the design. I'll have to post a pic later tonight. The colors I chose - a creamy AB, a metallic raspberry and a lined dusty rose - look as if they might smell as good as my favorite rose and sandlewood bubble bath.

And a bubble bath sure as heck sounds good right about now...

Sleep Deprivation and Mommyhood

Everyone told us when I was pregnant that once Colden hit four or five months old, he would start to sleep through the night and we would be back to getting six or maybe eight hours of sleep a night. Great, right? So we used that thought to comfort ourselves through the first four months of being parents, when Colden needed to eat every two hours, and we found ourselves sleeping whenever we had fifteen minutes to spare.

When he was about five months old, he did start to sleep longer, and at first, like any new mom, I would find myself waking up at two hour intervals anyway, and creeping into his room to check on him and make sure that everything was okay. (Which it always was.)

And then my mom got sick and went into the hospital down in Galveston, and Colden and I went down there to see her, because we weren't sure if we were going to get to see her again. I stayed with my sister, and my sister found a pack-n-play for Colden to sleep in while I got the air mattress on the floor of their spare room.

Colden did not like that pack-n-play. The first night that I put him in it, he just screamed and screamed. Not wanting to wake up the entire house, and desperate for some rest after a twelve hour trip from upstate New York, I put him in bed with me and let him sleep there. For the remainder of my trip to Texas, which was the last time I saw my mom, every night I would tuck Colden into bed next to me to comfort both of us.

The day after I got back to New York, my mom passed away, and Colden did not want to go back to sleeping in his crib. Again, mostly as comfort for me, I would just tuck him into bed next to me and Tom at night and let him sleep there.

Because he was sleeping right there with us, he got used to being able to nurse all night, on demand. And I, desperate for sleep, would very often just let him nurse as I went back to sleep, thinking that it would make all of us happier people.

Eventually, it started to wear on me, being constantly on call for Colden 24/7. When we tried to get him back into his crib, it was horrible for everyone. He would scream until he made himself throw up, which wasn't fun for him, and certainly didn't let Tom and I get any sleep, anyway. I just couldn't bring myself to let him scream it out every single night because I just felt like that was cruel, but he wouldn't sleep longer than an hour at a time at night in bed with us, anyway.


Finally, in January of this year, right before his second birthday, I set up the Big Boy Bed in his room, made up with all sorts of his favorite comfy blankets, his stuffed animals, and a warm pillow. At first, he resisted it, but then once we instituted a new bedtime routine, he started to fall asleep on his own, in his own bed, clutching his Eeyore or his Po or his birdie.

It wasn't perfect, though, and we still have yet to get through two nights in a row where Colden does not wake up calling for "Ma-ma" and wanting a cup or bottle of milk. Some nights, I am just too exhausted to put him back to bed and we let him get back into bed with us. And then lately there have been nights where he will kick me and Tom, pull my hair, and generally thrash about, making all of us miserable and sleep-deprived the next day.

It's getting so hard to function during the day when I only get three or four hours of sleep at night. We put Colden to bed at eight, usually, but then I try to stay up for a couple of hours and finish up whatever work I didn't get done during the day. Bu the time I'm ready to go to bed at ten, Colden is usually awake and crying for me, so I have to put off going to bed until I can get him back to sleep, usually in our bed, which means that once again, Mommy gets about six inches of bed and four inches of covers in which to make herself comfortable. And when you add a 90-lb Moose into the mix, well, I get even less space to sleep.

I know I'm not the only one with a toddler with sleep issues, but it's really starting to wear on me. If Tom goes to Colden, Colden just screams his head off, this high, shrieking primal scream, and Tom can't do a thing with him. If Tom tries to change his diaper, he kicks and rolls and frustrates the hell out of Tom. If Tom tries to do bedtime routine with him, he can get as far as turning off the light, but then Colden won't get into bed and just cries for Ma-ma until I pick him up and rock him in the rocking chair for a few minutes before tucking him into bed.

The last few days, Tom said something to me about the circles under my eyes getting worse, and truthfully, I hadn't looked into a mirror in over a week, so I had no idea. As I was getting into my shower this morning, I looked, and I didn't like what I saw. The circles ARE getting worse. I look as if I've got two black eyes, and lately, I'm so tired that when Colden wakes up in the middle of the night, I get angry and swear a lot because all I want is to just go to sleep.

The other day, I was so tired that I took a three hour nap alongside Colden after we had our lunch. I regretted this later when I realized that after I got up, did the dishes and straightened up the house, cooked dinner, did the dishes again and got Colden into bed that I had a huge pile of work and emails waiting to be finished. That's the trade-off: I can take a nap during the day if I can stay up late at night and finish my work, but then the problem becomes what happens at night when Colden wakes up and then I can't get any more sleep. At the risk of using a cliche, it really does become a vicious cycle, and it ends up with me getting no sleep and getting stressed out about losing my job because I can't keep up with the work.

I would love to hire some help, just someone to come in to the house two or three mornings a week to be a mother's helper and amuse Colden while I got my work done, but when I'm making $675 a month and trying to pay off medical bills from two years ago still, who can afford it? Daycare is absolutely out of the question because we certainly can't afford THAT, and the nearest licensed daycare is either in Lake Placid or twenty minutes in the other direction up in Clintonville.

And then this last week, something has changed in Colden's bedtime routine with him, and I can't figure out what it is yet. Last Sunday night, Colden would not go back to sleep, no matter what I did, unless I stood up with him and carried him throughout the house. I thought I might lie down on the couch with him sprawled out onto me, but the second I sat down on the couch, he woke right up and started screaming again. Finally, around 2:30 a.m., Tom intervened and got Colden a bottle of milk and a snack of cheese, dried cranberries and Goldfish crackers. He sat him up in our bed and put on Baby Einstein, and Colden sat there and giggled at the television and ate the entire bowl of snacks. I was in tears by that point, and I just desperately wanted to be able to close my eyes and go to sleep without a little foot kicking me in the back or little hands pulling at my hair. (Colden has this weird comfort thing about my hair, and yanking on it and rubbing it between his fingers is apparently a source of great comfort to him.)

Last night we had another one of those nights where Colden would not go back to sleep. He went to bed a little before eight, and Tom and I tried to snuggle up a bit and re-connect with each other, but I was so tired the second my head hit the pillow that I just fell asleep. Colden came into our room around eleven and was awake until at least two. We changed his diaper, we got him three bottles of milk, but he wouldn't go to sleep until we put on Baby Einstein and Tom got him another snack of Goldfish crackers and dried fruit.

Sometimes when I do have the opportunity to go to bed early, I lie there awake, because it feels like my brain is telling my body, "Don't even think about going to sleep - you'll just have to get up in an hour!" And that is extremely frustrating because I want to sleep, I need to sleep, but I just can't do it. Sometimes I will take a warm bath and I can feel myself falling asleep in the tub, and then I get out, ready to lie down and sleep, and of course, that's right when Colden wakes up and we have to start all over.

I know I'm not the only person on the planet who has a toddler with sleep issues. We feel as though we've tried everything: we have read The No-Cry Sleep Solution over and over, we have kept charts and logs about Colden's sleep or the lack thereof, and we've tried everything we can think of to create a soothing, predictable and relaxing bedtime routine for him. But the kid just cannot fall back asleep by himself. I'm thinking that this may be the time when I consult with the pediatrician, even though the last time I talked to her about it, she advised me to let him cry it out, and I am definitely NOT comfortable with the thought of causing my kid distress like that.

Last week, I had to go to a singing group rehearsal on a Wednesday morning, and I seriously had no energy and could feel my eyes closing as we sat and tried to come up with a repertoire for our upcoming gigs. I just have no energy left for anything anymore outside of work and Colden.

This morning, Tom went off to do maple sugaring for our friend in Paul Smiths for the day, and we won't be back until late tonight, if we're lucky. I just have to see how I can best get through this day - it's going to be hard. I find myself stressing out again over the pile of work that I have waiting for me this week, and I'm finding it hard to control my temper after having about three hours of sleep last night. I don't know if I will let myself take a nap when/if Colden naps this afternoon, or if I'll keep myself awake and see if I can get some sleep after Tom gets home.

Either way, there's things that gotta get done...

My Health Care Rant (For Those of You Brave Enough to Read It)

So, this whole thing with the health care debate and this health care "overhaul" really has me angry. Really angry. Angry to the point where I can barely think of anything else, so I am going to let it all out here for the world to see. And if you get a little angry after reading this, well, good, because I think this is something we should be angry about.

I've heard over and over from people who are against health care reform that they do not want to be told by the government what they can and can't do. These are mostly the SAME PEOPLE who have no problem with the government telling other people what they can and can't do, though. Legal abortions, anyone? Why is it okay for the government to outlaw abortions but not okay to tell people, "We need to help others with health care." Oh, right, it's a religious and moral thing. Well, how moral is it to let hundreds of thousands of people get sick and die every year because we aren't willing to pay a few bucks more out of our own pockets every month? Is that okay with God? Worry all you want about the unborn, but screw the folks who are here, and living, and trying to make ends meet day after day with their families.

For those same people who don't want to pay into a system that they will never use, here's what I have to say. Do you have some crystal ball that lets you see into the future? Are you so positive that you will never be in dire need of health care? What if you lost your job and had a catastrophic illness while uninsured? I'll bet you would be pleased as punch to have someone else to help take care of the health care bills while you could focus on recovering and getting back to being a productive member of society. Unless, of course, you have a small personal fortune set aside for unexpected health care costs, and then, hey, all the best to ya.

What about your tax dollars that go to roads, bridges, and schools that you will never use or even see in far flung states? What about tax dollars that are spent overseas on American interests? THOSE tax dollars are okay, but tax dollars spent on providing health care to middle class Americans is just awful.

If you don't want the government to tell you what to do, fine. Let's keep importing those toxic toys from China and those contaminated vegetables from South America. The government even tells you how fast you can drive. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?

What about prescription drugs? Is it okay for a company to just start selling a drug in this country without any say by the U.S. government?

Oh, wait, you say it's okay for the government to tell you what you can and can't buy and how fast you can drive? Why is health care any different?

The bottom line is that, whether you like it or not, if you live in this country, the United States government tells you what you can and can't do in a million small ways every single day. And now they are trying to say, hey, if you pay us a few extra bucks every month, we can make sure that you will not lose everything that you have worked for your entire life because of one catastrophic illness.

The thing that bothers me the most is people who say, "Well, I've got good health insurance, why should I pay for someone else?" to which I say, first of all, you ALREADY pay for "someone else" through your Medicaid and Medicare taxes. With any luck, you will never become so desperately poor that you need Medicaid. So why should you pay for people on public assistance to have health care? Because there's nothing you can do about it?

Why do we have this mentality when it comes to health care that, "I have mine, screw everyone else?" Are these people who need health care bad people? Do they deserve to be sick? Do they deserve to lose their homes, their cars, and their personal belongings because of bad luck? Why are we so afraid to help people who truly need it?

Now, I have to admit, I'm not happy about this new health care "overhaul". I don't like the idea of the insurance companies still being in charge. I don't like the idea of the government simply requiring everyone to buy health insurance from a private companies.

Which brings me to those stupid "death panels" that were so talked about. Okay, if the government sets up a public option for health care, then the big, bad government will decide who gets treatment and who doesn't. What people don't realize is that the insurance companies already decide who will get treatment and who doesn't.

Has your insurance company ever decided to not pay for a procedure, test or treatment that your doctor recommended?

Mine has.

Have you ever been told that the insurance company won't accept your application because of a pre-existing condition?

I have.

If you want to talk about "death panels", how about those bureaucrats at the private insurance companies who decide that you can't have your next round of chemotherapy or another dialysis treatment? These guys AREN'T EVEN DOCTORS. They don't have medical training. They are MBAs. Do you want some guy from Harvard Business School deciding what medical treatments are best for your cancer? You don't? Oh, well, then, I hope you have about a million dollars socked away to pay for it yourself.

I think the main point I want to make is that in this country, we have this horrible attitude of "It's not my problem." When, exactly, does it become your problem? When YOU lose your job, your health care, your house, and your belongings? By then, it's too late.

I am no fan of Washington politics, but I do give my elected representatives kudos for doing this the best way they could at this point in time. I would really like to see a public option offered. Read that carefully. Public OPTION. Not "REQUIREMENT". A public option would mean that if you needed it, yeah, it would be there for you, and if you didn't need it, someone else who did need it would be able to use it. Why is that so bad?

Just how much do people think this is going to cost them? Are we talking thousands of dollars a month? Some people already pay that just for their health "insurance". Think about it: what is a safety net for your health and your well being like that worth to you? Ten dollars a month? Twenty? A hundred? A thousand? What is it worth to someone else? Personally speaking, I would gladly pay an extra twenty dollars a month right now to ensure that my family and I never had to go without health care.

I'm not saying that socialized medicine is perfect. It certainly isn't. But why, in the most prosperous nation in the WORLD, do people avoid going to the doctor until they deem it worth the cost of a co-pay? What is wrong with the current health care system that people still die from pneumonia because they can't afford to see a doctor?

So, there. Those are my feelings about this whole health care debacle. I think it's about time we did something in this country, the most prosperous country in the WORLD, to make sure that no more of our children die because their parents can't afford to see the doctor. It's time to make sure that the insurance companies stop running the show and let the doctors decide which treatments are best for serious illnesses. It's time to make sure that not one more person or family loses their house, their life savings and their personal belongings because they had the bad luck to get sick. It's about time.