It's been a hard week for me this week, trying to keep on top of things, mainly because Colden has not been sleeping for the last five nights. Last night was the absolute worst - he would wake up, it would take me fifteen minutes to get him to go back to sleep, and then half an hour later as I was finally feeling relaxed enough to maybe shut my eyes, he was wide awake again. Horrible. I have started wondering just how much sleep deprivation a human being can take. I find that lately towards the end of the day not only am I totally physically exhausted, but I can't concentrate at all. It's all I can do to lie in bed and try to follow the plot of a movie or t.v. show.
So earlier this week, I called our local library and asked if they could get me a copy of The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers. I know there are lots of people who swear that they just let their kids cry it out and it worked in no time, but I am not one of those people who can let my kid cry like that. I just can't. To me, it just seems cruel, and I am not one who is into cruelty. It's one thing to let him cry and fuss a little while Tom or I are holding him or rocking him or trying to soothe him - it's quite another to toss him in the crib, turn out the lights, and let him cry himself to exhaustion. I just can't bring myself to do that to my kid.
I started reading the book after I picked it up from the library on Saturday, all the while thinking to myself, man, this is a looooooooong book, when am I going to have time to read it? But I did find that they had a chapter all about what to do when your little nursling just wants to nurse every time they wake up, all night long (a big problem for us!) and how to create a more relaxing bedtime routine. Starting tonight, we are changing our bedtime routine, just a little bit each night, to reach the ultimate goal: to get Colden to go to sleep on his own, and for him to be able to get himself back to sleep if he does wake up in the middle of the night.
My mother in law said to me that at least I'm not alone, if there are enough folks in the world who have problems getting their kids to sleep so that someone has to write a book about it! That does make me feel a little better, that at least I'm not all alone in this, even though it certainly feels like it.
I have to admit, I am really starting to feel the sleep deprivation these days. I am incredibly cranky when I am trying to get things done because I always feel like I can't stay on top of things, I don't feel like I can concentrate on anything very well for any length of time (hence the reason I have torn out the sculptural part of the beaded wedding ring six times this week), I find myself reliving everything I have ever done wrong or ever messed up in my life and beating myself up for it, and I am starting to feel like I can't do anything right anymore. I really think that all this negativity is because I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year - the longest stretch we've gone since last spring is four hours. And that's just not enough. And it's not like I can take a little nap in the middle of the day anymore - now that I'm back rehearsing with my group, trying to start the Etsy Team, the ArtFire Beadweavers' Guild, and trying to work with the marketing consultant and doing color studies with Margie Deeb (which is a whole lot of fun, by the way!), not to mention running after Colden and trying to make items for sale on my Etsy and ArtFire shops and getting ready for my show season in less than a month, I just can't stop to take a nap every day, or I'll never get anything done.
So, I've written up my new sleep plan with my goals. The ultimate goal is to get my kid to sleep for at least ten hours on his own at night. The author says it takes time - around 30 days - to really see results, but I can handle another 30 days of this if I know that the ultimate reward will be the first good night's sleep that I've had in over a year.
Okay. Now that I've vented about my sleep deprivation woes, I can move on, right?
This week, I am going to start the feature that I promised I was going to start a long time ago - and that's featuring other sellers from Etsy and ArtFire on my blog! I have a few to start with, and anyone who reads this who sells their work on Etsy or ArtFire should contact me or leave a comment on my blog if they want to be featured in the future!
I read on Marcia DeCoster's blog that she has Swarovski crystal ear bud headphones... Where the heck do I get a pair of THOSE?!