At first, I looked at this baby-blue color in the bag and thought to myself, "What the HELL am I going to do with THESE?" And not in a good way, either.
Somehow, during one of my crazed organizing missions, I came across this stash of 3mm dark turquoise druks that I've been hoarding for the last couple of years (no doubt bought on sale from Artbeads, just because I thought, hey, I don't have enough beads...), and voila! Throw in some creamy opaque seed beads for contrast, and I have what looks to be a very promising start to a new design.
Other things are starting to feel promising, too. Yes, the anxiety is still there, and yes, it still feels overwhelming, particularly first thing in the morning and last thing at night when I'm trying to go to sleep. Yes, I'm still having a good cry in the shower every morning to release some of the adrenaline so I can get on with my day, but, behind it all, knowing that I finally decided to reach out and get help is turning out to be a huge comfort for me. I'm reminding myself that it *will* get better, and that things won't be like this for very much longer.
Since Wednesday, I've started to feel more like myself again. Not perfect, not great, but there are things I can reassure myself with now that I couldn't before.
I'm engaged in sort of a countdown: ten days until my appointment with this new psychiatrist. I don't know if I'll like him or not, but according to my regular doctor, he specializes in treating anxiety disorder, and he's not the type of doctor who just throws a prescription at you and shows you the door. That sounds pretty good to me.
So, I wait. Ten days seems like an eternity right now, and I'm sure when I wake up at 2 a.m. and can't get back to sleep, it will seem downright impossible. But, for now...