Artisan Colorway Series 2012 by Eva Maria Keiser

I would have posted this yesterday, but a migraine late in the day just derailed all of my working-after-dinner plans...

Yesterday, I was thrilled and honored to be featured in Eva Maria Keiser's Artisan Colorway 2012 Series! She used my Azteca bead embroidered neckpiece as part of her series!

Eva Maria creates some pretty amazing beadwork of her own, mostly three-dimensional geometric designs and free-standing sculptural beaded boxes. Truly artistic and architectural, and it's worth it to spend some time reading her blog and checking out all of her free (for personal use only, please!) tutorials.

So, a huge thank-you to Eva Maria for featuring my work on her blog! Make sure you stop over and read some of her past posts. She's got some wonderful, inspirational posts, links to instructional videos, and loads of information about how to bead!

The Moose

There was a moose in Wilmington Notch on Saturday. And it stayed there, until the DEC fired a couple of rubber bullets at it to see if it would move. It did move, but then came back to the same spot, and stood there for a few more days.

People were going crazy trying to see this moose. It was right smack dab in the middle of the Notch, which is, as you might be able to tell from the name, a part of Route 86 that contains a very narrow road sandwiched between two rock cliffs and a river. It's a twisty road, too, and if you're not paying attention (or even if you are) it's easy to have an accident.

So, I know it's not like we see a moose every day up here, but this moose was in a very inconvenient place if you wanted to just stop your car and take a look. In addition to being a narrow, twisty road sandwiched between two rock cliffs and a river, it also happens to be the only road between Wilmington and Lake Placid. It's not like it can be closed without having to re-route traffic an extra 20 miles or so.

On my way into Lake Placid this morning, there were DOZENS of cars parked along both sides of the road, making the road even narrower. Worse yet, people were acting like idiots and bolting across the street right in front of the oncoming traffic because they wanted to get a look at the moose. There were license plates from all over - tourists, most of them, who wanted to get a glimpse of the moose.

According to the New York State police, there was at least one car accident when someone made an illegal u-turn in the middle of said narrow, twisty road because they wanted to get a look at the moose.

For real, people? Yes, I know that Route 86 through Wilmington Notch seems like a remote, pleasant, country road. But in reality, it's a main road. The only way for people to get back and forth between Wilmington and Lake Placid without driving 20 miles out of their way through Keene Valley, and that's how commuters (like my husband, who very nearly hit someone who ran out in front of his car yesterday because they wanted to get a look at the moose) get to and from their jobs. It's how delivery vehicles bring things to the hotels and shops in Lake Placid.

It's a really freaking busy road. Even if it's sandwiched between two rock cliffs and a river.

Finally, the DEC and the Environmental Conservation Police killed the moose, stating that it had seriously injured its back legs, and removed it from the river.

Now, people are up in arms. They're planning a protest in the middle of the Notch this Saturday against the actions of the DEC.

I don't know what has me more angry: the protest or the stupid people that caused the death of the moose.

If, indeed, the moose was not injured or sick, then the DEC was wrong to kill it and remove it. But in my mind, those idiot people who blocked the road and darted out in front of cars are the ones who *really* caused that moose to be killed. THEY are the ones responsible for the death of the moose.

I'm so incensed about the stupidity. Why can't we just learn to leave nature the hell alone?

Good JuJu

It didn't necessarily start out as a good day... Colden was up way too early, around 4:30 this morning, after six weeks straight of sleeping 10+ hours a night. I was worried that he would be grouchy by the time we left for preschool at 8:30, but he ran out to the car.

I made a quick stop at the post office at the same time that the local woman who drives a Smartcar was picking up her mail. I asked her about it, and she offered to let me sit in it and see what it felt like. It's truly an amazing little vehicle, and she takes hers on road trips all over the country. She said that she averages about 48 miles to the gallon with it, and now I totally want one.

The post office run was good today: no bills, and a huge box of beads from York Beads, including:

50 hanks of cut 10/0 seed beads (which is really more than I'll ever use in a lifetime, so I'm thinking a giveaway or a big Etsy sale is in order here!);

A strand of two-hole coin beads;

A whole hank of these coppery-brassy-matte glass feather daggers, and best of all:

This crazy spikey cuff bracelet from Perry! It just made me bust out laughing, brought back memories of what we wore when we were in high school and thought we were being badass with our leather jackets and spike jewelry. (Little did we know...) Anyway, that's me doing my best (worst?) Billy Idol impression in front of the computer.

There was also a treat addressed to Master Colden from a friend in Sweden!

The customs form said it was "toys", but since Colden isn't home from preschool yet, we'll just have to wait and see what it is!


I drove into Lake Placid at lunch to pick up a couple of birthday treats for one of Colden's friends who is having a birthday party tomorrow afternoon, and as I was walking down Main Street, my friend Martha drove past in her car and said hello. Walked to the bank to get some cash for tomorrow's field trip for Colden, and as I'm walking back to the car, I hear someone yell out, "Hey, Beads!" And it's my friend Kate, driving down Main Street. How funny is that? It made me feel sorta famous.

Went home, had a yummy spanikopita wrap and some fresh fruit, and read a really, really, really funny email from another friend that just had me on the floor.

After work, we're going to go spend some time with relatives we haven't seen in a few years, and then home to relax and conjure up something for dinner...

And, of course, maybe some more time with my beads...

Baby Spikes, Vanbeads-Style

So, I've had these baby spikes for a few weeks now, and I've just been dying to figure out what to do with them. I found a little bit of inspiration the other day when I dug out some lengths of my favorite plastic tubing and started playing with them for another beaded necklace design idea.

I also had a baggie of brass toggle clasps that were in my goody bag from Bead Fest Philly last month, so I pulled out some of my favorite creamy pink luster seed beads, some tiny little size 15/0 brass seed beads, and set to stitchin'.

I worked right-angle weave around the tubing, and then finished the ends using peyote stitch. After I added the clasp, I twisted the right-angle weave around the tubing to make sure that one row was evenly on the top of the bracelet. Then I went back and added a spike in every other open "window" of right-angle weave.

After all the spikes were nestled in place, I went back and added a little ring of seed beads around each one to just hold them in place. They are slippery little buggers, that's for sure!

When I tried it on, I realized that this pattern would also make a killer bangle without a clasp, something that just slips on over your wrist. Next up on my beading tray is that version of my baby spike bracelet, but this time I'll take photos and do it as a tutorial. I'll probably offer it for free on Beading Daily, since my tutorials don't seem to sell very well. (Or maybe I just need to do more of them!)

A clear, cold, beautiful autumn day today, just ripe for writing and beading. Had some wonderful thoughts about art today as I was sitting here perusing Facebook and checking in on my Artist's Way for Beaders group, so I'll get to those in a bit...

Autumn

I realized that it was autumn today. When I closed the back of the Matrix before I headed out to run errands, I noticed that Tom's mom had sent home the swimsuits and Colden's floaties. That must mean that the pool is closed up for the winter, which means that now, no matter the calendar says, is the official start of autumn.

I wish I had a picture to show you of the way that the sky and the mountains looked as I drove into Wilmington, but I can tell you:

The clouds were gathering around Whiteface Mountain, making the sky a pearly white and grey. The leaves on the trees are starting to change now, too. Not terribly bright, though. The colors look much more muted than they have in years past, probably because of this drought we've had all year.

I wish I could describe it better: the rolling mountains covered in a green, red, yellow, and gold carpet in the background; the expanse of open fields and wetlands up against the edge of the forest with their yellowing grasses and shallow ponds; and the smell of the air as the seasons change, gently, so subtly that I won't even notice how I have to start wearing my wool socks to bed at night until we're well into November.

Some people think that warm summers make this place come alive, but really, its the autumn that makes me feel alive. A cool breeze caressing my arm is a reminder that we need to get ready for winter. Because, really, we spend all year getting ready for winter - cutting and stacking fire wood for the wood stove, growing the gardens and then harvesting and canning.

We take advantage of the nicer weather as an excuse to put off the mundane household chores - the dirty floors will still be there tomorrow. But really, we're spending as much time getting ready for the snow as we are enjoying the warm sun.

As I drove into Wilmington, I was thinking that I live here because of the beauty and the isolation and the peace. At first, I was thinking that life here was harder than it is in other places, but then I thought that I was wrong. It's not that life is more difficult here than in other places - we have the same issues with unemployment and economy and all the other things that go along with life.

I don't know if it's because we're surrounded with what other people might consider "nothing", but there's a sense of independence here that I haven't felt in other places. There's less of a "rat race" feel, even in the big cities of Plattsburgh, Burlington, and Albany.

I  know some city dwellers and some other folks who live in the suburbs and work in the city. I just don't know if I could do that anymore. There's something about the solitude and the quiet up here, of being able to look out my window and see nothing but mountains. I can't imagine living anywhere else.

One Lovely Blog Award!

Well, after a frustrating day spent mostly in bed due to tummy troubles, I opened my email at the end of the day and found a lovely note from Bobbie at Beadsong Jewelry who was passing on her good karma at being nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award. She nominated my blog for the award!

In return for the award, I'm asked to do the following:

1. Thank the nominator and link back to them in the post.
2. Share 7 random facts about myself.
3. Nominate 15 (or so) bloggers that I admire. (This might be a long post, folks! Grab a cup of something to drink and a snack!)
4. Contact them to let them know that they've been nominated.

So, a few random things about myself:

1. I spent many years working as a veterinary technician, and then as a compounding pharmacy technician. For a while, I thought I was going to go to veterinary school, but I was totally intimidated by the cost of 8+ years of college and and the idea of having to take out over $100k in loans to finance it. Although I loved working as a compounding pharmacy technician, making prescription medication to doctors' specific orders, I never had the desire to become a pharmacist.

2. I started college as a music major, concentrating on piano. The idea was that I was going to study music therapy. I'd only been playing piano seriously for about two years when I was accepted, and I was never really comfortable performing with some of the heavy-hitters in my music theory classes. I always felt that they were way more talented than I, and so I dropped music therapy and dropped out of college for a while.

3. There are certain movies and television shows that I can recite by heart. A Fish Called Wanda is one, as is pretty much every episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus. Other movies include French Kiss (with Kevin Kline and Meg Ryan), History of the World Part I, High Anxiety, The Muppet Movie, and pretty much every episode of Andy Richter Controls the Universe. Sometimes, when I can't sleep at night, I run through these in my mind as a way of relaxing and getting to sleep.

4. I am a total Harry Potter freak. I own all of the books in first edition hardcovers, complete with dust jackets, and I attended every midnight release party except for the last. When the last book came out, I was pregnant with Colden and incredibly sick. I couldn't get to Plattsburgh to the Borders to pick up my reserved copy because I was so sick that night. But the next day, I gulped down my horrible anti-nausea meds, got into the car with Tom, and hobbled into Borders to get my copy. I stayed awake that night until 2 a.m. and finished it, even though I was sick as a dog the next day.

5. I didn't learn how to cook (properly) until I stopped eating meat. I don't know why it happened that way, but once I went vegetarian, I suddenly discovered that I LOVED to cook. Before that, I had subsisted on things like boxed pasta dishes, steamed vegetables, sauteed chicken breast, and green salad. As you might know from this blog, I enjoy spending a great deal of time in the kitchen and would love to write and publish a cookbook one day for gluten-free vegetarians!

6. Despite the fact that I love movies and certain t.v. shows, I gave up watching t.v. when Tom and I moved into our apartment in Lake Placid back in 2000. We didn't get any television reception there in that big bowl in the center of the High Peaks, and since Tom wasn't making much money and I was a full-time student, we just gave it up because we couldn't see spending the money on cable. I truthfully don't miss it and sort of enjoy being bewildered when I see celebrity photos online and wonder, "Now, who the hell is THAT?"

7. The first time I drove a four-wheeler during an ice fishing trip, I was convinced that I was going to break through the ice and drown. Our friend Tim wanted me to be "Bait Girl" one afternoon, so whenever someone was out checking the lines after the flags went up, they would signal to me, and I would hop on the four wheeler with the bait bucket between my knees and drive across the ice to wherever I was needed. It was a lot like the summer I worked at the Bergen County Zoo and drove the little Cushman around, but with the added adventure of driving over ice as it popped and cracked in the dead of the Adirondack winter.

8. And one more, just because this one is really good: I am terrified of worms. I can't stand them. If I see them in the soil while we're working in the gardens, I run. When the warm spring rains comes and the worms all come out and take up residence on our huge driveway, Tom will have to park right up next to the back door so that I can make it out of the car and onto the back stoop without having to risk squishing one of those fatties with my shoe. 

And now, for some bloggers that I admire, I present to you:

1. Kerrie Slade. Kerrie is a beader from the UK who does some absolutely fantabulous stuff with beaded flowers. Not the kind made with wire, but stitches with needle and thread. I've admired her beaded flower creations for years, both bold and delicate, and have followed her journey this year as she has set out to create using a single color palette.

2. MADDesigns (Marcia DeCoster). Marcia was one of my original inspirations for starting my own blog. She just made it look so EASY and interesting! She was also someone who contacted me after my first cover of Beadwork magazine back in 2007, and I so admire her talent and her business acumen! Her blog is highly engaging and full of absolutely amazing eye candy.

The stunning beadwork of Nancy Dale

3. NED Beads (Nancy Dale). Nancy Dale is a beader that I've "met" through Facebook. Her work just always leaves me shaking my head, thinking, "How does she COME UP with this stuff?" Her bead embroidery is flawless, as far as I can tell, and her designs for off-loom bead-weaving are both innovative and graceful. Even though Nancy is my "neighbor" from Vermont, I have yet to meet her in person. (Although I hope to make a road trip to New Hampshire one day soon to get to meet her in real life!)

4. Peter Sewell. Sadly, my nomination for Peter Sewell's blog, The BeadSage, has to be a posthumous one. Peter lost his life to cancer earlier this year, but he was such an inspiration to me. He created structurally amazing beadwork using Swarovski beads and stones as well as gemstone cabochons and beads, and his work could easily be described as "breathtaking". He proclaimed himself to be something of a curmudgeon, but we all knew better. He had a wicked sense of humor and great taste in music, and he is sorely missed by the beading community.

5. Pretty Things (Lori Anderson). Another bead blogger who inspires me on a daily basis, Lori Anderson is the brains behind the Bead Soup Blog Party, and one pretty darn talented lampwork and jewelry making artist. Her blog is full of life and love and great ideas, and her recently published eBook, Follow the Path, is a favorite resource of mine for when I get stuck and need something to blog about.

6. SandFibers (Carol Dean Sharpe). No list of my favorite blogs would be complete without including Carol Dean Sharpe. She's my hero, standing up to the copyright thieves of the world while single-handedly creating astounding charted peyote stitch patterns. Even though I've never met her in real life, Carol has talked me through some of the toughest times of my life in the last few years. She's sweet, and wonderful, and probably one of the best people I've ever come across online.

Beaded earrings by SaraBeth Cullinan

7. SaraBeth's Belly Dancing Bead Blog (SaraBeth Cullinan). Belly dancing and beading - what's not to love? I can't remember the first time I ever had contact with SaraBeth, but it was probably when I was writing for About.com. I love her sense of color, her sense of style, and the fact that she's a work-at-home mom . Her beadwork graces the pages of Margie Deeb's color reports, as well as the pages of Beadwork magazine.

8. The Beaded Carpet (Mikki Ferrugiaro). Mikki is another one of those bead artists who just make me wonder how the heck she comes up with her designs. I first saw her work in the pages of Beadwork magazine, and she has gone on to create some really knock-your-socks-off beading designs. Mikki's blog is on hiatus right now as she moves to a new state and gets set up in a real studio, but enjoy her posts meanwhile!

9. Tapestry Beads (Jill Wiseman). Jill makes me giggle. Seriously. The first time I met her was at Bead Fest Philly back in 2009, and I had such a great time chatting with her. We stayed in touch via Facebook, and then I finally got to see her again last month at Bead Fest Philly again! Jill writes a great blog, is a great person, and just has a knack for making me laugh so hard that I snort water or hot chocolate out my nose. She's also the author of the recently released and incredibly amazing Beautiful Beaded Ropes book, published by Lark. Check out her blog. It's fun.

10. The Writing and Art of Andrew Thornton. Andrew is an insightful, thoughtful, and extremely talented artist who creates jewelry and handmade beads and components. His blog is a beautiful collage of both the personal and professional.

11. Beaded Bear's Nonsense and Complete Waste of Time (Sig Wynne-Evans). Okay, so this blog is definitely NOT for the faint of heart. Sig is a fabulously talented beading designer who also calls it like she sees it. This is one blog that makes me laugh out loud when I read it, regardless of where I am. Whether you're reading about her adventures at work, with her daughter and son-in-law, or on her latest quest to get fit and lose weight, Sig will have you coming back for more!

12. The Mommy Chronicles. Now, I know that this last one isn't a beading blog, but it's a blog by a friend of mine that I've known since middle school, and I love it. Melanie is a thoughtful parent trying to raise a thoughtful little girl. And that's it! Melanie lives her life with compassion, and I greatly admire her for this. It's a good blog.

So, there ya have it! Twelve bloggers that I admire, and thanks again to Bobbie for nominating me for this wonderful award!

Structure

Sometimes, you just have to set aside things like housecleaning and dishes and laundry, pick up your beads, and just CREATE.

That's the kind of mood I was in over the weekend. We had loads of housekeeping to do, but we were all still sick with this crud that Colden brought home, and really, after wiping boogers and administering cough medicine all week, the last thing that any of us wanted to do was break out the mops and the vacuum.

On top of that, I was eager to play with my new Bead On It board and try out an idea I had as I was falling asleep one night during the week.

The carved pendant was part of a purchase I made from Nancy Vogel's Etsy shop, FamilyOnBikes. It's an antique Chinese carving, very heavy, and very challenging for me to use in a piece of bead-weaving.

In her description of the piece, Nancy talked about how this was one of her finds from the Jade Market in Kaohsiung, Taiwan. She purchased it from the Chinese antique dealers that hung out towards the back of the market, where, as she puts it, the magic happened.

I stitched a right-angle weave bezel for the ginormous Swarovski crystal that I got from Beyond Beadery back in June, and then made a herringbone rope in matching seed beads. I put a piece of wire through the hole of the pendant with double-wrapped loops on either end. (I'll embellish those loops with drop beads later.)

The real challenge came when I was trying to figure out how to attach the pendant to the as-of-yet-theoretical neck strap. I have such a hard time designing the neck straps of my necklaces. I can design a focal, no problem. But the straps? Forget it. I get a creative brain freeze, and not in a good way, either.

What I finally wound up doing was going back through my old sketch books, and I found a piece that I had drawn out last winter that used three beaded ropes to support a centerpiece made up of three art beads. I haven't gotten around to picking out my art beads yet, but I can use that same basic structure to support this very heavy pendant!

Now, I just need to either find some brass end caps or cones to finish off the ropes, or get off my lazy beading butt and stitch some peyote caps/covers for the ends of the ropes. I get the feeling that I'll be doing a lot of peyote stitching over the next couple of days...

Beading For a Cure

Finished! My entry for this year's Beading For a Cure challenge and auction is this piece of bead embroidery, "I Wanna Be A Cowgirl".

This was such a fun piece to make! I used up my entire stash of mother of pearl cabochons, and I was thrilled with how they complemented the colors chosen by Beki Haley of Whimbeads without overwhelming them. They just sort of nestle right in there, don't you think?

The strap, of course, was always a challenge. Why am I so good at designing focal pieces, but no so good at designing straps? Does this mean I should make more bracelets?

This piece was almost a bracelet, actually. I turned it on its side and wrapped it around my wrist before I added the stiffener between the bead embroidery and the Ultrasuede. But in the end, I decided that in order to use all of the beads that I still had to, it would work best as a pendant.

This was the piece that I enjoyed stitching so much with my Craft Optics. I swear, those things are amazing. I could see every single detail, right down to exactly where I needed to position my needle to make nice, straight, beaded lines with backstitch.

And the edging on this one was not so much inspired as it was just me being lazy again. I had to figure out how to use those peanut beads! I use the drops the easy way, and used them to fringe some beaded beads that I attached to the leather strap. But those peanut beads...

Just on a whim (Whim Beads, get it?), I picked up a seed bead, a few peanut beads, and a seed bead. Skipped a few beads in the brick stitch edging, and made a tiny little loop with the peanut beads all pushed together.

It resulted in a lovely, lacy edging all around the embroidery that both softened it and gave it a lovely accent color!

It was hard for me to pack this one up and ship it off. The thought of parting with it was so bittersweet that I actually wrote to Beki over at Beading For a Cure and asked if it was okay for me to bid on my own piece during the auctions in the spring. Because I really want this one back!

Such a pleasure being part of the Beading For a Cure challenge again this year. One of the questions they ask on the paperwork is why you wanted to be a part of this challenge and charity auction.

I didn't know Layne, the woman for whom all of this is done to honor. But she must have been a pretty special person to have inspired this in those she left behind when she lost her battle with colorectal cancer. And even though I didn't know her, I feel proud to be contributing towards the efforts to raise money for this type of cancer research in such a wonderful, warm, loving community of bead artists.

And THAT'S why I love participating in Beading For a Cure!

In the Pink

Well, anyone who loves beads and blogs probably knows about Lori Anderson. She's the brains behind the original Bead Soup Blog Party, and an incredibly talented lampwork and jewelry making artist to boot.

Lori has done something really incredible. She has brought together beaders by the thousands from all over the world into a single community, both through her Bead Soup Blog Party and her Bead Soup Cafe on Facebook. I can't imagine another single person who has done so much to connect beaders, jewelry designers, bloggers, and artists all over the world with a single stroke of the keyboard!

So, a group of folks who love Lori and love what she's done for the beading community banded together to create In the Pink, a tribute group to Lori Anderson. In honor of Lori's wonderful hot pink hair, we decided to do some hot pink hair of our own.

And here I am, half-crazed, sweating in the August heat without air conditioning, with my crazy hot pink hair extensions!

Lori, you have touched so many of us with your blogs and your honesty and your insights and your love and your BEADS! Thank you so much for everything you've done for the beading community!

And in case you didn't know...Lori also has an amazing eBook all about how to be a more creative blogger for sale on her own blog. If you need some fresh ideas for how to be a better bead blogger, check out Follow the Path!

The Virtue Trap

This week is Week 5 of my The Artist's Way for Beaders group on Facebook. This week is always a good reminder to me of what I need to do to stay sane as an artist, and a reminder of how important it is to work at staying true to myself while being considerate of the needs of my family.

The very first time I did The Artist's Way, I was right on board with the whole taking-time-for-yourself thing. I was working at a job that I didn't enjoy very much while at the same time trying to get a business of the ground, and it was hard. I understood how much I needed that time to unwind and create, and truthfully, it wasn't very hard for me to get a lot of time to myself. This was way before Tom and I had even thought about having kids, and even though we were busy, it was really all just about us.

Then I had Colden. Wow, nothing like having a baby to totally change your perspective and your attitudes about having time for yourself! Tom and I made a lot of sacrifices to have Colden, and we still make a lot of sacrifices to make sure that Colden's needs are met. After all, we made the decision to bring him into the world, and it's our responsibility to make sure that he grows up to be a productive, well-adjusted, and happy member of society.

So where does that leave us when it comes to having time for ourselves? As a couple, and individually?

It's hard. It's really hard.

This time around, I bristled when I read through some of the examples that Julia gives in The Artist's Way of how people put their families' needs and/or desires above their own individual creative needs. Well, of COURSE we're going to buy a second vehicle instead of sending me to a bead show. Of COURSE we're going to pay for Colden's preschool instead of spending the money on ourselves. How dare Julia suggest that we put our own needs above what's going to be good for our kids?

But, no, I had to rein myself in. Of course, that's not what she's talking about.

Example: I work 8:30 - 5, 5 days a week, writing about beads, jewelry-making, and bead-weaving. I spend most of my days taking and editing photos, writing blogs, formatting newsletters, choosing content for eBooks, poring over spreadsheets, and analyzing statistics. It's not like I get to sit in front of my beads and just stitch for 8 hours a day.

Of course, when Colden and Tom get home, there's dinner to make, dishes and laundry to wash, beds to make, baths, and bedtime. Not a lot of time to sit and create after dinner. Mornings are crazy, since Tom leaves so early, so it's all me for getting Colden up and dressed, fed, and out the door. Not a lot of time there, either.

So, when DO I get time for myself to create? Where do I draw the line between doing what I "have" to for work, and what I "want" to just for myself? They aren't always the same thing, that's for sure.

Sometimes, my husband sees me beading and says, "What are you doing that for? Don't you do that all day? Stop working, and let's do something to relax!"

Which really gets me ticked off. I *don't* sit and bead all day, as I mentioned above. I'm answering emails, writing, editing photos, etc. When I decide to take a few minutes and bead, it's because I AM doing something to relax, but somehow, he just doesn't seem to get it.

That leads to me avoiding my beads when I find myself with a few minutes of downtime. Which leads to me getting really, really, really grumpy after a few days.

I really *need* that time alone or that time when everyone will just leave me alone to do my beading. I really *need* that time in the bathtub with my sketchbook and my jewelry books to dream and doodle and think.

And how do I manage to balance my needs with the needs of my family? It ain't easy. It's been a struggle since the beginning. Something always manages to get pushed to the side, usually the housework, which becomes another struggle.

 Why do we think that to be "good" people, we need to sacrifice our own well-being to the point that it makes us miserable and not much fun to be around? Am I really benefiting my son if I deny myself an hour a day to bead and relax? Will he remember the fun we have, or will he remember me being a screaming maniac because I'm so stressed out and won't take time for myself?

I don't know what the right answers are to any of it, really. I do know that I feel happier when I manage to find time for myself to bead and create or dream during the day. But I also know that when I get into my "zone", it's hard for me to break out and move on to the next thing, and invariably, I have to break it off before I'm ready to because something else needs my attention.

I would love to find time to sign up for an art class at the Cultural Center in Plattsburgh, or a photography class at Clinton Community College, or a workshop at the Lake Placid Center for the Arts. But my big concern is: where will I find the TIME?

My time with Colden is so precious and so fleeting... Sometimes I think I guilt-trip myself into doing something with him when what I really need is to take some time for myself and let Tom take over.

So, yep, it's all back to the Balancing Act. Not easy. But as long as we can figure out what works for us, we'll be good.

Seeing Clearly

Last year, I was absolutely thrilled to snag a kit for Beading For a Cure, a non-profit organization that raises funds every year for colorectal cancer research as a tribute to beader Layne Shilling. Layne lost her battle to cancer in November 2002. Every year since then, a group of beaders has come together to create a unique piece of beadwork (jewelry, sculpture, objects, etc.) using the same challenge kit.

I got a kit for this year's challenge, as well, and I was absolutely delighted with the colors! Figuring out what to make with the kit, however, was another matter.

I went back and forth, from thinking about making one sculptural object to a pair of objects...but in the end, I found a set of mother-of-pearl cabochons in my stash that just looked magnificent with the beads, and I decided to make a piece of bead embroidery.

The deadline is looming: I have to have this piece finished, photographed, and out the door before the end of the week! But last night, as I finished the bulk of the embroidery, I stopped for a break, took off my Craft Optics, and took a good look at what I was making.

I was struck by how even my stitches looked on this one. Was it just because I had placed my cabochons on a measured grid before I started stitching? Was it because I was making extra thread passes through each row as I finished it?

I don't want to say that my nice, even stitching is just because I wore my Craft Optics the whole time I was working on this piece. But I have to admit: this is the first piece of bead embroidery I've made while wearing the Craft Optics the whole time, and the stitching really is cleaner, more even, and probably some of the most precise stitching I've ever done.

Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not...

Progress

Sometimes, the beads just have a mind of their own.

I was meditating the other day, and someone recently departed popped into my head. I only knew her for a short time, but I was so moved by her generous, creative spirit and her wisdom. This is what came out, and even though I'm scrambling to meet deadlines this week and next, I needed to take a couple of evenings and put everything else aside and work on this piece of bead embroidery.

After finishing the first half, I wasn't so sure about it. I wasn't sure that I liked the colors. Or the lines. During acupuncture this morning, I almost had myself convinced to tear the whole thing out (7+ hours of work) and start over.

But once I got home and sat down at my desk to look at it, and I really looked at it, I realized that it was true to my original vision, and I'll continue with it as it is.

It's baby steps, the progress on this one. It doesn't feel like I'm doing very much with it, but I think this piece is going to be more about being present while I'm stitching it. After I finish this portion, I'll need to embroidery the collar and attach it to the brass, back it, etc.

So many ideas bubbling around in my head these days. Not enough time to do them all.

I still can't believe summer is over. I can't believe we're nearly into the second week of September. Where does the time go? It seems as though my life is a flurry of activity, from the time I get up in the morning and start making breakfast for me and Colden, to my working days (which consist of writing, writing some more, beading, editing a zillion photographs, and then writing some more), to making dinner, cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes, and then getting Colden ready for bed. It seems as though the lazy days we used to have are becoming few and far between. Weekends are reserved for adventures outside or time to clean the house (when it gets to critical stage) and visiting with friends. It's just not possible to get done everything we want to, or need to.

That said, Colden has been doing so much better sleeping in his own bed these days! I thank Elizabeth Pantley, author of the No-Cry Sleep Solution, for giving me the idea of offering Colden a fun little wrapped present every morning after he spends the whole night in his own bed. And I thank the Target $1 bins for a wonderful selection of inexpensive little goodies!

Getting back to my almost-normal sleep routine has been amazing. I slept for ten hours straight for two nights in a row this week, and I can't remember the last time I woke up feeling that refreshed. I know we're probably a few years away from my being able to go back to my night-owl ways, but for now, I'm happy to feel like I'm finally getting some good sleep again.

So, for now, I need to just keep making my lists, writing down my ideas, and then just working on prioritizing things. What do I need to do right now, what can I do later today, and what can I do later this week.

Breathe in, and be present.

Compassion

Earlier this morning, I posted a picture on my Facebook page, noting the obvious physical similarities between a photo of Arizona governor Jan "Pregnancy Begins Two Weeks Before Conception" Brewer and Terrance Stamp's character of Bernadette from "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert", and really, some of the anti-immigration comments it spawned were a little surprising to me.

It made me think a little. (Dangerous, I know, especially since I'm feeling particularly snarky this morning.) And here's my $10,000 question for the day:

Why is it so difficult for people to turn away from compassion towards other human beings? Is it because showing compassion towards others reveals our own faults or weaknesses?

Is it really easier to spread hate and fear than it is to act with love?

What if a nation chose to govern based on compassion rather than greed?

Do my views make me seem naive, idealistic, uneducated?

Any and all comments are welcome.

You

I got in my car after work today and drove and drove and drove...all the while, thinking about you.

I drove through the mountains and the sky and felt the wind blow through me and I thought about you. I know you so much better than I did before, but I don't really know you at all.

I thought about what you would say if you could see what I saw, and if you could see everything that comes out of me. Would you stay?

I listened to the lines of a song I've heard a thousand times before, and I heard something new in it. I let it wash over me, and the words started running through my head, faster. I thought about your eyes, and your breath.

I thought of you when I drove past the meadows and the farms in the valley. I thought of you when I saw the clouds as they gathered on the horizon near the lake.

I thought about when I would see you again.

I drove as long as I could, because I knew that once I stopped, the magic would be gone, the moment over. I wanted the moment to go on as long as it could, because just for a little while there, everything was suspended in space, and it was perfect.

So, today, I drove my car and I thought of you. And I know that if I let go, everything will be okay.

Overwhelming.

That's what this week has totally been. Just overwhelming. From the minute I woke up on Monday morning, I feel like it's been go-go-go!

I'm sitting in my hotel room in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania, right now, just trying to process what has happened in the last 48 hours...

Truthfully, my mind and my body are both too tired to really get into much right now, but the rundown so far is this:

Got to PA on Wednesday afternoon, got a flat tire. Thanks to the Smartest Roommate in the world, Tammy Jones, I remembered that I have roadside assistance through my car insurance. Got someone to put on the full-size snow tire/spare that I had in the car, then went to bed.

Woke up Thursday morning, found a tire place, got a new tire. (Guy at tire place tried to talk me into two new tires, told him no.)

Drove out to Pitman, NJ, to visit the amazing bead shop, Glass & Bead Boutique, of Amy Blevins. Fun stuff. Chatted for three hours!

Drove back to PA, crossed three bridges, felt like six bridges. Have never had a panic attack while driving on a bridge before, but there it was.

Got back to PA in time to get all checked in for my classes.

Ran back to hotel, grabbed some dinner to eat during class, then drove back to expo center.

Had first-ever kumihimo class with the awesome Jill Wiseman. Learned kumihimo in about five minutes. Got hooked on kumihimo, too, which sent my bead shopping list right out the freaking window.

Got up this morning, back to expo center, helped Nikia Angel schlep stuff back and forth to Meet the Teachers. Had great fun at Meet the Teachers, helped celebrate 5 years of Beading Daily with a little birthday party and some cake.

Had a little bit of lunch (not enough, durn it), and then spent the afternoon shopping.

Shopping for beads? It's hard work. Really.

Decided that I was most definitely NOT up for dinner out tonight, so went back to hotel and changed into jammies. Looked through my fun finds of the day and started new kumihimo bracelet, since I need about three tubes of 6/0 seeds to do an 18" necklace. Durn it again.

Will share my awesome beading finds later. Right now, time for bed, since I have an 8 o clock class tomorrow - something that I haven't had since college back in 2001!

"You look just like Mom."

I got this awesome pair of telescopes from CraftOptics today, and I had so much fun testing them out, I took a quick picture of myself wearing them and put it on Facebook:

I mean, I was having a good hair day and all, so I figured, what the heck, right?

My sister commented on the picture that I look just like our Mom, and my heart skipped a beat. I know she meant it in a good way, but there was something about it that just sent a chill up my spine.

When I found out that I had to go gluten-free a few months ago, the first thing that someone close to me said was, "Now, don't go turning into your mother!" Which, of course, was the first thing that *I* had thought after realizing that there are a whole lot of things that I can't or won't eat now.

Of course, the inside of my refrigerator looks nothing like the inside of my mother's. We eat healthy every day - we just avoid junk food and processed food, which is, unfortunately, 75% of what you find at the grocery store.

Yes, I'm losing weight. Am I at an unhealthy weight? No. Am I healthy overall? Yes, aside from the fact that I could probably stand to get more exercise.

Am I turning into my mother with the food issues?

Dear God, I hope not.

Sometimes, I really wonder if half of my mom's problem was gluten intolerance that nobody really knew about. All her digestive symptoms - those could totally have been from gluten intolerance. It doesn't explain the mental health issues, her belief that she was allergic to everything except stew meat and broccoli and carrot baby food, but it could explain a lot of her problems early on that led to those things.

I've seen some folks who swear by the whole paleo diet thing. They don't eat any grains, dairy, gluten, legumes, or sugar. And I just can't understand that. To me, THAT seems more like an eating disorder than a gluten-free vegetarian diet. How can you eliminate everything except certain vegetables and meat and still eat a healthy diet? It just seems impossible to me.

Did my little 6-week brush with pain, nausea, and vomiting after every meal scare the heck out of me last summer? Yes, it certainly did. Have I allowed it to completely ruin my life? No, I have not.

At any rate, I needed to have a little chat with my husband tonight to remind myself that:

1. I am not my mother.
2. I am, in fact, quite healthy overall.
3. I (we) eat a healthier diet than most people we know.

And if anyone needs convincing that a plant-based diet is healthy, just remember this: my lovely, healthy, funny, wonderful little 4 1/2 year old was built on a plant-based diet.

So, anyway, now that I've gotten rid of that little brain worm for the night, I'm off to get Colden to bed and play with my CraftOptics some more...

The Beads! The Beads!

On Friday, I decided that I just needed a break from it all. I started Week 1 of The Artist's Way, and this time around, I'm finding that doing my Morning Pages at night is more therapeutic for me. It lets me get out of my head everything that keeps me awake at night, and I get some more restful sleep.

That said, I decided to dedicate some serious time for beading this weekend.

I started out making one of my favorite right-angle weave jewelry bases, thinking that I'd make a killer cuff bracelet with some of the gumdrop beads. But wouldn't you know - I didn't have enough beads to create an entire cuff. So what did I do? I turned it into a necklace, of course!

This is pre-fringe and pre-embellishment, which seems to be taking for-ev-er. But overall, I'm extremely happy with this piece, and have started a second version in amber/green/silver which will be what I photograph (with other variations) as a tutorial for my Etsy shop.

Then I started picking out colors for a second collar that I've been tossing around in my head for a little while. My wonderful friend, Nancy Vogel, who has had some crazy adventures cycling around the world with her husband and twin boys, went bead shopping in New York City a few weeks ago, and she sent me a small Priority Mail box packed full of beads, nailheads, and vintage West German glass cameos!

I loved these amazing carved wooden totems that were included in the box, and I've been dreaming about making some kind of tribal-inspired collar with them. The final bit of inspiration arrived when I received another gorgeous sample pack of Czech glass beads from Perry Bookstein down at York Beads. So, I chose my palette of beads and colors for the next collar project.

But before I get started on THAT beaded necklace project, I got a little sidetracked. I wasn't having such a good day, digestive-wise, and I don't know if it was the heat, the stress of the last couple of weeks, or a combination of everything, but I wound up spending most of the day in bed, trying to keep my food down. To distract myself, I started stitching up a twisted herringbone rope using some more of those amazing Czech striped seed beads from York...

So, the ideas are there! They're flowing! Thankfully, many of them are flowing into my notebooks for next week after Bead Fest Philadelphia... That's a whole other adventure that I need to prepare for this week.

I'm leaving in exactly 48 hours for Philadelphia, and beading classes with Jill Wiseman, Nikia Angel, and Gail Crossman Moore. Am I excited? You betcha.

The Artist's Way for Beaders: Basic Tools

The Artist's Way works with two basic tools for unlocking your creativity: Morning Pages and a weekly Artist's Date.

The Morning Pages/Morning Beading
The Morning Pages are three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing that should be done every morning as part of your creative recovery. Julia Cameron, author of the The Artist's Way, recommends that everyone do them, even if you're not a writer.

There is value in these Morning Pages. Even if you don't think you can write, you can try them, anyway. If the idea of writing just turns you off completely, go ahead and skip them, but then make sure that you do:

The Morning Beading.

Yep. Every morning, if you choose not to write, I want you to set your alarm clock a half hour earlier than normal. Get up, get over to your beads, and sit down for half an hour and bead.

It doesn't matter what you work on. If you have a project, great. If you don't have a project, just grab the first tube of beads or the first set of beads you see and start stitching. Bead for the full half-hour - don't shortchange yourself.

I also recommend documenting your beadwork, somehow. You can either print out a picture of what you did and stick it in a hard-copy journal, or post it on your blog. (This might also be a good time to start a blog, if you've been wanting to, or resurrecting your old blog!)

The point of  this exercise is just to get you to your beads without a finished project in mind. (Although, like I said, if you have a project you want to work on, by all means, go for it.) It's a way of providing yourself with some accountability. Even if you just make a swatch of peyote or half an inch of a herringbone tube, you've beaded and you've connected with your beads for a little while.

The Morning Beading/Morning Pages can be used as a form of meditation. Get out whatever "junk" you have in your head. Remember to breathe. Take your beads and sit and watch the sunrise or listen to the sounds of the house coming alive around you. Just BE with yourself and with your beads.

The Artist's Date
The Artist's Date is the second tool that we will use, and we'll be pretty much sticking to what Julia says in the book.

Once a week, take yourself on a date. Go somewhere - anywhere. Go to the zoo. Go to the park. Go for a walk in the woods, or just take your camera and go on a drive. Go to your favorite museum or to your favorite cafe and take in the sights, the sounds, and the smells. Just BE.

The idea behind the Artist's Date is just to give your brain a break. By just allowing yourself some time to do nothing, you're actually allowing your creative mind to recharge so you don't get burnt out creatively.

Oh, and for your Artist's Date? No beads allowed. Not a one!

A Word About God
Yes, throughout the book, Julia mentions God quite often. The first time I did this program with a couple other folks, one of them was so offended at the mention of God that she almost didn't want to go ahead with the program.

It doesn't matter if you believe in God or a god or many gods or no gods at all. I got over it pretty quick, and now when I go through The Artist's Way, I simply imagine the Universe and all its cosmic energy as my higher power.

To be continued...

The Artist's Way for Beaders: What It Is, How it Works

So, because I don't know if I'm going to get sued if I start a blog called The Artist's Way for Beaders without permission from Julia Cameron, I'm just going to start this off on my blog, and then if I can work that out, I'll move these posts later.

The Artist's Way is a fabulous book and method for unlocking your latent creativity, written by author, playwright, poet, and screenwriter Julia Cameron. I used it for the first time many, many years ago when I was a budding writer/bead artist, and as I've gone back and done it again and again over the years, I've found new ways of modifying the basic tools and exercises so that they are more relevant to my beadwork.

The Artist's Way is a twelve-week program where each week, you'll complete certain tasks and answer questions from the book as you discover how to allow yourself to be more creative. What I have found through my work with The Artist's Way is that with a little nudge, these tasks and questions can be extremely useful in dealing with Beader's Block, too!

If you want to join us in the Facebook group, The Artist's Way for Beaders, just head on over to the group and ask to be added. Any and all are welcome to join, no matter what kind of beading or beadwork you do!

Next, you'll need a copy of the book, The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.

You can either download the book onto your Kindle, buy a paperback copy, or borrow it from your local library. (I'm pretty sure you can download it in the iBooks store, too.)

Once you're ready to go, read on for how we'll be changing things up a bit as we work our way through our creative beading blocks!

Holding On and Letting Go

So, yesterday, in the midst of what might be a combination of reasonable fear of the future and a little pity party for myself, I stumbled across this page on the Tiny Buddha website about overcoming the fear of loss. The first question really got to me: What are you afraid of losing by letting go?

Well, the angry tears sprang right to my eyes. Of course, I'm afraid of losing EVERYTHING. I'm afraid of us losing our house if we can't pay the bills or the mortgage. I'm afraid of having to pull Colden out of a preschool program with a teacher and friends that he absolutely adores.

I'm afraid of going back to work in a field that is a terrible fit for me, but just happens to be the only thing I'm "qualified" to do on my resume. I'm afraid of losing myself in a job that I hate, just because I need to pay the bills.

I'm afraid of losing my sense of myself as an artist. I'm afraid that I'll discover that I was never *really* that good at beading, anyway, and that's why I wasn't much of a commercial success.

To combat all these feelings of helplessness, I started cleaning up my desk/work area/beading area yesterday. Two hours, and I put away hundreds of tubes of seed beads, bags of beads, strands of gemstones, and discovered that lo and behold, my pearl drawer actually isn't as feeble as I had previously thought. (All those pearls were in other bags, waiting to be used for projects that I never got around to!)

I should have taken before and after photos, I know, but I was totally in the moment. No time for the camera. I just wanted to sit and sort through everything and get everything cleaned up and organized for the first time in months. I've got ideas, dammit, and I need to sit my butt down and actually make them come to life. My Battle of the Beadsmith piece showed me that, yes, I am still capable of creating crazy good beadwork.

Then, I sat down while Tom was doing bedtime with Colden (or attempting to do bedtime, anyway) and did some serious therapeutic list-making. Like what I need to do to re-launch my VanBeads business. What I need to do to get on top of things so I can go to Bead Fest next week.

And while I managed to get seven whole hours of sleep last night and I even managed to kick the excruciating headache I woke up with this morning, this whole in-between-not-knowing thing has me prone to fits of tears periodically.

The only thing I can do is just keep calm and bead on.  I've got my lists made. I sort-of have a plan. I'll need help, and I'll need to just put my head down and plow through it all.

So, for today, don't stop bead-lieving, my friends.

To be continued...